What to do about those PESKY Autopilot Behaviors

Where do autopilot behaviors come from and how do we change them? 

Autopilot behaviors are coming from the unconscious mind.  Autopilot can be a HEALTHY thing and in fact, you NEED your body to be on autopilot for certain situations; breathing, pumping blood through the body, etc.  You do not have to think about telling your body to do these things, you simply get it done without a second thought!  However, operating from an unconscious mind can also create great stress, without your even knowing what is going on.  As an example, say you are triggered by your co-worker saying, "Oh, you're so crazy."  Without self-awareness and support in seeing that you have an unconscious "button" around secretly thinking that you are crazy, then you may respond negatively to his innocent comment.  The stress comes from the in congruent message you hear from the unconscious mind vs the innocence of the reality.  When you operate on this level, others call you irrational, illogical, and out of character.  When you hear that kind of description of yourself, you get stressed, "That is not who I REALLY am.  He has no idea who I am.  He doesn't even know me."  Too often when you are unconsciously going through the motions and allowing your hidden buttons to be pushed, you are unaware of the way that they are hindering situations and relationships, because you have not yet identified that they are there!  As a result, you blame the other person and often create unnecessary distance and stress. 

In order to change a behavior that is on autopilot, for example, refraining from reacting when being triggered by someone sharing feedback (negative or positive), you’re actually being required to change the neural pathways in your brain that are driving you to think that you NEED to react in a certain way, defensively, sharply, etc. How do you CHANGE and create NEW neural pathways in your brain? Here are a few tips: 

1. Become self-aware.

The first step in reducing the stress created by this situation is becoming aware of the stress. Sometimes you feel the anxiety, but are unaware of the source.  It is your job to become self-aware enough to recognize the stress and then be curious about what the resource is. BE CURIOUS, resist being a judge or forcing it.  Working with a coach, counselor, or other health professional to identify your triggers can be extremely helpful in releasing them. 

    2. Take BABY steps toward the goal that you want.

In the case of responding in a more constructive way to feedback, you might first practice breathing while you listen to the person talk.  Give yourself a mantra to state, “I’m listening, but I get to decide what to do with this information.  I do not have to react”.  Perhaps you add one sentence per week as you create this new habit.  With each step that you build upon, until the point of feeling "calm" about it, you are creating a new pathway of response in your brain. 

    3. Move!

When wanting to retain new information, increase the chance for creative solutions, and open yourself to new opportunities, give your body the experience of MOVEMENT! Movement of the body for 30+ minutes, producing oxygenated blood to the brain, will not only open up OLD neural pathways, it will create NEW ones! In creating new neural pathways, it becomes easier to retain information, retrieve information and create new habits.  

    4. Ask for support.

Speak up about your goals and intentions.  Friends and family members can be an excellent way to help keep you accountable. Speaking, writing, and publicly claiming your goals not only creates an environment for accountability, it also supports you to RECEIVE the support that is needed to keep going with this opportunity to create a new habit.  Too often, I see people hiding behind their goals, not wanting to share them or allow them to be public, for fear of failure (that is another post).  Do not let the fear get to you, it only keeps you where you are.  Put yourself in the driver’s seat, claim what you want to change and then start taking the steps to do it. 

Star Staubach is an ALIVENESS coach, supporting her clients to RECEIVE the life they say that they want and in most cases even BEYOND what they’ve come for.  Star is passionate about living fully, having a love affair with life and supporting others to do the same! For your free 10 tips to Ignite Your Inner and Outer Radiance, visit Ignite Radiance at http://www.stellarevolutioncoaching.com.
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