Mental Weight Lifting

Someone asked me today, "Star, how are you?"  As I answered with my usual, "Oh, things are good...." I found myself stuffing down how I was really feeling, which is an overall heaviness.  Later she asked, "You don't seem like yourself, last time I saw you, you had an amazing positive energy about you.  What is going on?"  I felt as if I had been caught stealing.  Red faced and heart racing, I could feel the tension inside of me.  And then I blurted out, "There has been a lot going on with my family.  My brother.... and my mother has been a hand full too..."  This conversation led to a lot of heavy issues, you know, the kind that might feel taboo to talk about.  I left that interaction feeling the weight of all of them.  I came home, sat with the question, "What was that?  What did you just open up?"  This is what came back at me, "Honey, you are feeling the weight and heaviness of those around you, because you haven't been dedicated to doing your own work, the work that keeps you centered, the work that keeps you grounded, the work that allows you to stay in that space of true understanding, knowing that these heavy issues are not yours to absorb.  These issues are ALWAYS there.  Some days they are a bit more intense than others, yet they are always there.  Today feels heavy, because you have allowed your strength to slip."  Yes, busted!  I have been giving my attention to the issues that feel heavy, leaving me feeling the weight of them.  It is in this moment that I declare that I will get back on that bandwagon of doing my work by journaling, exercising my mind, challenging myself in healthy ways, and when needed, stepping away from the drama that might come from the situations that are around me.  So, what does it look like to step away from the drama?  It means that I am doing the following:

1. Stop feeding it!
I will not chat about it.  This is sometimes extremely difficult, as these stories are JUICY!  I know that talking (gossiping) about them doesn't serve me, it doesn't serve the listener, and it doesn't serve the party playing the leading role.

2. Focusing on the present moment.  When I bring myself away from the drama of the past or what I fear to be the future, I am able to enjoy the ease of my breath, the gratitude for colors in nature, the weather, everything and anything surrounding me!

3. Taking myself off of the computer/social media, where gossip and stories are spread, where it is easy for me to continue validating the story, as I know it.

4. Go within, allowing myself time to journal, meditate, and pray, so that I can return to what I know to be true, that this drama is not mine and it serves no one to give attention to it.

5. Scheduled time with Friends.

6. Breath.
I focus on my breathing and on the awareness that my body is bringing me to. When I feel the tightness in my chest, the anxiety, the heaviness, I spot it, acknowledge it and give it permission to be released.

7. Exercise

8. LAUGH!
Laugher is a form of release.  It helps "relieve pain, brings greater happiness and can even increase immunity" The Stress Management and Health Benefits of Laughter.

9. PLAY
Nothing quite brings me out of my head and into the moment like giggling children! Don't have children around?  Force yourself to doodle, skip, or simply jump in place.


What do you do when you find yourself ruminating about an issue that is out of your control?  How do you bring yourself to a healthier place?

THANK YOU to my amazing friends, who continue to ask the difficult questions, who continue to support me to grow and who allow me to be in whatever space they may find me in.

Kicking the Fear Habit

When was the last time you been faced with a situation where you felt yourself being challenged to keep moving through to the next step? As I sat down to the computer this morning, I had the intention of writing a press release. Instead, I’m noticing my desire to do anything apart from writing a press release. The house needs to be straightened, I should reach out to that friend in need, e-mails need to be tended to, invoices need to be updated, I have a sudden urge to EAT (yes, I just emptied the remainder of the ice cream in my freezer), the self-sabotaging list grows longer by the minute. I notice that the closer I get to writing this press release that I keep saying that I want to write, the more I feel the desire to give my attention to something else. Internally, I feel my heart racing, my anxiety levels increasing and my body is experiencing an overal tightening. The fear is nearly overwhelming. So, now what? I access my tools:
1. Deepen awareness I get clear about what is happening inside. In this instance, I know that I don’t really want to write a press release. I’m telling myself that I should or that I have to.

2. Identify with clarity With the awareness that I don’t really want to be writing a press release, I move to a place of identifying what it is that I do want, which is to bring my skills and talents as a coach to a broader audience. I’ve told myself that writing a press release and having a published article is that next step. Letting go of that idea that a press release has to be that next step and instead welcoming new ideas.

3. Release judgement The next step for me is to let go of the thoughts of judgement that hold me back from moving forward. Judgement is another excuse to stay put.

4. Reframe thoughts Somewhere along the way I told myself that I had to do this on my own, that it was going to be “hard”. I let go of the idea that it will be hard. I release the idea that I have to do this perfectly or that I have to do it all on my own. When I notice these limiting and sabotaging thoughts, I have the ability to reframe them.

5. Be Gentle with Self while in the processing stage As I reach for the ice cream, I refrain from negative self chatter, which only serves to further distract me from the task before me. I gift myself with the ability to be gentle with myself in the process, knowing that eventually, I’ll crawl my way to the next step, knowing that even with the ice cream polished off, the dishes done and the kitchen shelves rearranged, it is NEVER too late to begin again. The task I have at hand will be there when I am ready to pick it up.

6. Ask for & receive support I release the idea that this has to be all me. I welcome the energy of a fresh outlook, the support of an objective ear, and the wisdom of someone who has greater skills in the area that I feel I have.

7. Move through it and DO IT!

Every task has to start somewhere. I make a list of ways I can start NOW, with what I have, with where I am. I start with the smallest things I can do and I do this without limitation. I let go of the idea that I have to have all of the pieces in place and I do what I can with what I have, trusting that it will eventually come together. Waiting for ALL of the pieces to be in place is another way that I allow myself to stall the process and remain stuck. I let go of being stuck and I move through it. What tools do you have on your list? How do you support yourself to advance to the next level? Like what you're reading? Come "Like" Stellar Evolution Coaching on Facebook. Schedule your very own complimentary consultation with Star Staubach.

10 Tips Toward a Positive Attitude

This quote came across my desk today, "Remember, it isn't your position in life; its your disposition that determines your happiness." I find myself often being challenged about my positive disposition. Some even think that I am in denial about the less than fortunate issues that come across my path. What I've learned along my journey is that having a positive disposition does not mean that every day is filled with blissful JOY. Some days are darker than others. Some days are lighter than others. No matter what is happening around me, I am at choice. Choosing to live in joy, doesn't mean denying the reality of hurt, fear, sadness, etc. It is instead, choosing to acknowledge the reality that even in the midst of a storm, there can still be opportunity to be received. When in the middle of a hurricane, the most beautiful calm emerges. What if in the middle of the next storm, you turned to the calm center within and allowed yourself to ask the question, "What is here for me in this moment to propel me to new growth?" Flowers emerge from manure. We all know that light follows darkness. We know that we cannot put darkness into a flame of light, but we CAN put our flame of light into darkness, thus transforming the dark space into one of light. Cognitively, we get it. Putting it into practice is another story. Here are 10 tips to increase your positive disposition:

1. Notice your body in the moment. Check in. Take inventory of what is going on. Is your heart racing? Are you experiencing tightness in your chest? Simply be aware of how your body is experiencing the moment.
2. Acknowledge your feelings. "This really stinks." Yes, there are times when whatever you are experiencing is truly unpleasant. No one will tell you that choosing a positive disposition means that you get to avoid all uncomfortable situations. So when they arise, acknowledge them for what they are, uncomfortable growing pains.
3. Take a moment to practice deep breathing. Slow down your breathing and allow your body to fill with the benefits of an increase of oxygen.
4. Laugh. If you can, and where appropriate, laugh. For no reason, simply make yourself laugh. Laughter is a way to release stress, anxiety while taking in good amounts of oxygen. Crying has a similar effect, so if crying seems more appropriate than laughter, by all means, do what works for you in the moment.
5. Ask yourself,"What am I trying to control about this situation?" I often find myself experiencing stress/anxiety when a situation isn't going my way. There are times when it might be something simple, like the pair of shoes my 2-year-old chooses to wear, or the traffic around me and there are times when I'd like to control the health of a loved one, the hospital care they receive, and even the death of a loved one. Notice what happens when we try to control something that is essentially out of our control. When I think the traffic "should" be something other than what it is, the result is, I experience more stress and most likely those in the car with me experience it too. Not only do I experience more stress, but I also focus my attention on the problem, hindering my ability to see other ways to be in the situation.
6. Notice your ability to choose. When I allow myself to be at choice about how I see the situation, I open up to new creative ways to be, rather than the habitual feeling of being stuck with the situation. The other night I was up late/early with a teething baby. I fought it for over an hour, allowing the resentment and anger grow inside of me. After experiencing the effects of this for an entire hour, I decided to embrace it, "What can I be choosing differently?" I wrapped her in a blanket and we stepped outside. We shared a few tearless moments as we looked at the moon and the stars. When I got my head out of the victim of "poor me, this really sucks", I was able to open up to the idea that there were other ways I could experience it. The result was a beautiful, refreshing and sweet moment shared under the full moon.
7. Enlist a friend's help. If all else fails, enlist the support of a friend or loved one. Ask them to support you to see other angles of the situation.
8. Make a list of what you LOVE about the situation. Allow yourself to go to a space of gratitude. Again, this does NOT mean that you have to like what is happening, but instead that you acknowledge that there IS something in it that you are gaining. After my dear cousin passed with Leukemia at the age of 5, none of us could have imagined the benefits of the situation. Her older sister, nearly 14 years later has gone on to study nursing, with the intention of being a pediatric nurse of oncology. One of the nurses who cared for my cousin during her stay at the hospital, went on to marry an uncle. Her situation brought inspiration, connection and an expansion of love.
9. Think of a time when something seemed bad, but turned out GREATER than you could have imagined Allow past experience to support you to be reminded that this too shall pass. There is a possibility that this situation could result in a greater outcome than what you are currently experiencing.
10. Add your own flare. My favorite thing to do is a mini tantrum. I have been known to allow my arms to flail, legs to kick and feel to stomp, all while scrunching my face into the tightest scowl I can muster. What flare will you add to your moment?

*Note this post is not recommended to "treat" any chronic mental health issues.

Like What you are reading? Share on your social media outlets, like Stellar Evolution on Facebook. Sign Up to be on our mailing list.

Witnessing the Moment

At the start of the year, I spend time welcoming a new way of being into my existence. A few years ago, the word that came to me to be more present with was, “Listener”. The year after that was “Nurturer”. Each year I set the intention to embody more of my truest essence. I do this, with the objective of being more fully present with my most authentic vision.
This New Year’s Day I sat in contemplation wondering what word would really hit home for me. I let a few words slip past me... “presence”, “attentive”, “release”. As I’m trying to let myself go with the process and let go of the strong desire to force the word, I observe my nearly 7 month old daughter crawling along the floor. As I watch her, she crawls toward another baby. The two of them share a tender moment of giggles, squeals and gentle touches. Their shared moment brought tears to my eyes. They shared smiles, innocent curiosity and unconditional acceptance of one another. Not only did they accept one another, they witnessed one another. Witness. The word struck me and made my heart leap. This year, I welcome the opportunity to fully embrace being “Witness”. When I am Witness, I allow myself to be out of my head and more fully present in the moment. Out of my head means I get to let go of making meaning of the situation and instead I see it as it is. As Witness, I let go of my judgments and gift myself with the presence of the moment and all that it comes with; joy, lessons, beauty, opportunity to fully connect. As I sat observing these two precious babies, I knew that Witness was mine to embody this year. When I think about the observers in my life, I am reminded that when others are around to observe me, I tend to be a more patient, more available and more conscious about my actions. I’ve often wondered what motivates this behavior. Was it ego, “I want to look good in front of so-an-so”. Was it to feel superior? “I want to do it better than so-and-so.” As I sit with being more of a witness/observer to my own surroundings and actions, I realize that my desire to be a better person in the company of others is just that, having an observer to be accountable to. Each of us know what is best for our own lives. Today thousands of New Year’s Resolutions will be declared. Some will even involve follow through. Others will not. Most that fail will fail not because the individual wasn’t personally invested or passionate about the resolution, but because there was little/no accountability. As I allow myself to show up in my life and yours as observer, I support accountability. I encourage letting go of the idea that I need to take the situation/words/experience personally. As observer, I witness it, allow it, and feel more fully connected to the opportunity that resides in the moment. I find myself often asking my clients to simply observe their lives. “You’ve stated this goal. Let go of the desire to judge yourself if it does/doesn’t get accomplished and instead, observe how/why/why not of what transpires. Allow that observation to serve you to make the next move, or not.

When you allow yourself to sit in the silence, what word is calling for your attention?
What are you ready to incorporate more of into your life? How will you hold yourself accountable to what you say you are ready for this year?

To being Witness to the journey!

Star Staubach CPC

Permission granted, ASK for what you want!

A few years ago, I went to the hair dresser really wanting natural curl. I've never had curls, other than when I had perms in the early 90's. In fact, I've only experienced very straight and limp hair. I sat down in the salon chair and expressed my desire for natural curls. You can imagine my surprise when the hairdresser said, "Oh yes! We can do that. You have curl, you just have to support the curl to come out more." I couldn't believe it. I had what I wanted, it was already there, waiting for me to ask the question, waiting for me to encourage it to come out.
What if YOU could have what it is that you desire? What if it were there, waiting for you to attend to it? What if? Can you allow yourself to believe it to be possible? Notice, have you already activated the voice of doubt? Are you finding yourself saying, "That might work for something trivial like your hair, but it can't/doesn't work like that for REAL life." WHAT IF!?? What could it hurt to entertain the thought that it is possible? What if you simply allowed youself to ask? Notice, when I sat down and expressed my wish, I wasn't attached to a yes, I simply asked. Key ingredients in receiving what you want:
1. Allow yourself to have the thought that what you want is possible.
2. Allow yourself to state it out loud - ASK for what you want!
3. Allow yourself to release the expectation, open to any answer that you receive.
4. Allow yourself to be open and receptive to your way looking a bit different than you initially intended.
5. Be willing to put a bit of effort into making it happen!
6. BELIEVE!
7. Your own special ingredient! What would you add to the list?
May this year be one filled with you breathing in the possibility that your wildest dreams could and will come true. I see this year serving you as you fully connect to your power, raising yourself to experience the light you radiate simply by being YOU.

Cheers to you! Cheers to making life happen in a big way!

Resolutions or No Resolutions, That is the Question

I cannot think of a time when I've actually made a resolution and stuck to it. In the past, I've had big plans of losing weight, creating a "plan" to improve life, going after a better job, finding love and the list goes on. I have had the best of intentions, thinking that, "This year will be the year that I will change my life!" My life has changed, and I don't think I'd contribute it to any of the many New Year's Resolutions that I set.
A few years ago I went to a Sunday service that was different than any that I'd ever attended. On New Year's Day the sermon was about allowing one word to be integrated into life more often. I was challenged to not only integrate the word, I was challenged to take action on it. The word was not suggested from outside, it was a word that surfaced when I allowed myself to take a moment and simply be with my truth.

When asking myself, "What am I ready to give more attention to in my life?", I was able to gain clarity about what I may have been neglecting in the past. Last year my word was, "Listen". It can be a simple word, and to me, it has so many different applications. The most important listening for me this year to attend to was the listening from within, listening to my truth, the deep knowing that I have which allows me to move forward. When I gift myself with the space and opportunity to simply listen, I am able to make clearer choices that are more in alignment with my values as well as my purpose and vision. So where has that listening shown up? How has my ability to listen impacted my year? My listening has shown up in my coaching, allowing me to be truly present, giving my clients the ability to have great moments of clarity, creating powerful and lasting change. My ability to listen has supported me to be a stronger and more present mother to my precious daughter. I have a true awareness that even in the toughest of times, when I listen to the situation, not the screaming, there is a message for me ("This is Meadow being tired, not her displaying her dislike for me.") My listening has supported me to become an active board member within my spiritual community. It has allowed me to let go of the pressure to make unhealthy relationships work , while making room for those that are mutually rewarding. Listening gave me the greatest treasure this Spring when my darling husband was layed off from his place of employment after 13 years of service. Initially we were scared. The fear didn't last long, as we started to allow ourselves to be with what was happening. The Spring turned into Summer, which became a magical time of family. As we continued to live on the severance that he received we knew that our situation was bound to change, and change it did! By letting go of the fear, we were able to enjoy the gift of the time we were given. By trusting the situation, my husband was able to be available to receive a BIGGER and much BETTER job. At the beginning of that situation, we never would have known, or have been able to dream up the results that eventuated.

What word is jumping out to you as you step into a New Year? What are you ready to give more focus to?

Governing Principles

What are the principles, laws shaping your choices? During a time of recent reflection, I was able to gain clarity about what governs me. I realize that it is my Ego which thinks that I have the power to save, heal or rescue another from the situation that I deem to be chaotic. It is the Ego that gets hooked by thinking that others "should" not be experiencing exactly as they are. When I reflect and go deeper with what I want to honor and see as a result of my actions; showing up as a hero. I notice that it is not that I want to truly rescue, rather I want to witness. I want to be present with the whole person I come into contact with. I have a strong desire to honor and acknowledge who you are at the core of your being. Ego slips into rescue mode when I perceive you masking your true self. Ego slips into wanting to save you when I judge the soul as being smothered. It is my truest intention not to pry the mask off, not to see it as a mask at all. Instead, I welcome you just as you are, wherever you are on YOUR journey. As I hold out my arms to greet you, I too will honor my essence and refrain from allowing the Ego Hero to emerge. Instead, I choose to show up in your life as a compassionate, loving and eternal space filled with a welcoming heart.

What are your guiding principles? How do they show up in your actions? What do you notice drives your choices?