5 Steps to Come ALIVE with Radiance

COME ALIVE with radiance, joy and passion! 

1. BE curious!  
    
 ~ Allow yourself to be open to the opportunities that are flowing your way!  What does it look like to be curious?  Sometimes it is as simple as noticing that you have a vision of how things should be.  When that awareness creeps in, when you notice yourself feeling attached to an outcome, turn up the curiosity.  Allow yourself to question, is there more here for me to experience?  Is there a different way to see this?  Could I experience a different turn out than what is expected?  Is there another way to achieve the goal?

2. Claim what you LOVE about Life!

    List 5 things that you LOVE about your life! Claim it, own it! What are you loving about
    your life?  Feel yourself connect to that love of life, as it is in this moment.  Gratitude is
    synonymous for happiness.  

3. Say, "YES!"  

    Yes to receiving; gifts and compliments. When someone offers you a compliment, it is ok
    to say, "Yes, I do look good today.  Yes, I will accept that invitation for a coffee. Yes, I will
    receive support.  Yes, I like these earrings, as well."

4. Give to Yourself ~ 
    
    Give yourself something special; a bubble bath, a coffee break, luxurious night's sleep, a
    bouquet of flowers.  Take the time to do something special for YOU!  

5.  Listen to the whispers that are calling you to be the best version of yourself. 

     What is calling you to attend?  What do you KNOW that if you started doing it today,
     your quality of life would improve?  Drink more water?  Earlier bedtime?  Listen to your
     whispers. 
  

Weather: Beyond the Predictions

When I am planning an outdoor activity, I find myself tuning into the weather forecast.  Recently, the meteorologist predicted heavy storms for "most of the day".  When I woke, there were clouds, but no sign of a storm.  I went about my day as if I hadn't heard the prediction.  The storm never came.  I enjoyed the outdoors for the entire day.  It made me wonder, how many times do I limit my activity because of what might happen?  Sure, there are times when the prediction is correct.  There are also times when it is far from accurate, yet I've already made a choice based on the fear of what might be.  This is an opportunity for me to let go of the fear, go with the flow, and trust my own intuition.  I release the need for outside influences to determine my next move and instead allow outside influences to support me to make the decision that is best for me.  Rain or shine, all will be fine, so long as I let go of my own fears and expectations.  In fact, sometimes the rain can be more enjoyable and exciting than the heat of the sun.  Here's to living fully, in the moment and releasing the chatter that might hold us back.

Take My Advice, I'm Not Using It

I recently found myself faced with several professionals who appeared to be unable to follow their own advice.  Have you ever come across this?  As I sat observing, it dawned on me, what advice am I giving that I am not following?  My advice for others, that has all along been for me, listen.  Take time to listen to the inner voice.  Take time to unplug from the screen time, take time for reflection.  I support my clients to listen to the voice within.  The voice that may seem small and quiet, the voice that grows stronger when given attention.  The voice that becomes a brick up side the head when being ignored. What can you do to support time for yourself, to eliminate the outside chatter so that you can plug into what your inner voice is calling you to attend to?  I can already hear the excuse, "I don't have time!"  The reality is, we all have the same 24 hours in a day.  Maybe you choose to start taking the bus, so that you can have some unplugged, down time.  Maybe you go to bed early, so that you can wake up and allow yourself a few moments.  I hold the vision with you that time presents itself and you feel the deep connection to the voice that is calling out for your attention.  And, even if specific time does not happen, listen to how the voice speaks to you at other times, like when you have advice for someone else, advice that could in fact be, for you.

"Am I attractive?"

I recently saw an article about teen girls posting videos of themselves on YouTube inquiring, "Am I Attractive?"  If you are anything like me you are feeling saddened at their desperate quest for approval.  I may not be going to the same extreme for approval, and yet there are times when I too find myself being defined by what you, they, he/she thinks about me.  If we are defined by what others think of us, then who do we become?  When do we know who's critique to give attention to? When do we know the search for critiquing is complete?  We cannot control what others are going to say or think about us.  What we can control is who we are choosing to show up as.  What we can control are our thoughts about who we are.  We can choose what to do with the feedback that we receive.  Feedback can be appreciated and helpful, yet it does not have much meaning if we do not have a solid understanding of who we are.  Who you are, is amazing!  Who you are, is prosperous!  Who you are, is love.  What more would you add to your list of who you are?

Mental Weight Lifting

Someone asked me today, "Star, how are you?"  As I answered with my usual, "Oh, things are good...." I found myself stuffing down how I was really feeling, which is an overall heaviness.  Later she asked, "You don't seem like yourself, last time I saw you, you had an amazing positive energy about you.  What is going on?"  I felt as if I had been caught stealing.  Red faced and heart racing, I could feel the tension inside of me.  And then I blurted out, "There has been a lot going on with my family.  My brother.... and my mother has been a hand full too..."  This conversation led to a lot of heavy issues, you know, the kind that might feel taboo to talk about.  I left that interaction feeling the weight of all of them.  I came home, sat with the question, "What was that?  What did you just open up?"  This is what came back at me, "Honey, you are feeling the weight and heaviness of those around you, because you haven't been dedicated to doing your own work, the work that keeps you centered, the work that keeps you grounded, the work that allows you to stay in that space of true understanding, knowing that these heavy issues are not yours to absorb.  These issues are ALWAYS there.  Some days they are a bit more intense than others, yet they are always there.  Today feels heavy, because you have allowed your strength to slip."  Yes, busted!  I have been giving my attention to the issues that feel heavy, leaving me feeling the weight of them.  It is in this moment that I declare that I will get back on that bandwagon of doing my work by journaling, exercising my mind, challenging myself in healthy ways, and when needed, stepping away from the drama that might come from the situations that are around me.  So, what does it look like to step away from the drama?  It means that I am doing the following:

1. Stop feeding it!
I will not chat about it.  This is sometimes extremely difficult, as these stories are JUICY!  I know that talking (gossiping) about them doesn't serve me, it doesn't serve the listener, and it doesn't serve the party playing the leading role.

2. Focusing on the present moment.  When I bring myself away from the drama of the past or what I fear to be the future, I am able to enjoy the ease of my breath, the gratitude for colors in nature, the weather, everything and anything surrounding me!

3. Taking myself off of the computer/social media, where gossip and stories are spread, where it is easy for me to continue validating the story, as I know it.

4. Go within, allowing myself time to journal, meditate, and pray, so that I can return to what I know to be true, that this drama is not mine and it serves no one to give attention to it.

5. Scheduled time with Friends.

6. Breath.
I focus on my breathing and on the awareness that my body is bringing me to. When I feel the tightness in my chest, the anxiety, the heaviness, I spot it, acknowledge it and give it permission to be released.

7. Exercise

8. LAUGH!
Laugher is a form of release.  It helps "relieve pain, brings greater happiness and can even increase immunity" The Stress Management and Health Benefits of Laughter.

9. PLAY
Nothing quite brings me out of my head and into the moment like giggling children! Don't have children around?  Force yourself to doodle, skip, or simply jump in place.


What do you do when you find yourself ruminating about an issue that is out of your control?  How do you bring yourself to a healthier place?

THANK YOU to my amazing friends, who continue to ask the difficult questions, who continue to support me to grow and who allow me to be in whatever space they may find me in.

Kicking the Fear Habit

When was the last time you been faced with a situation where you felt yourself being challenged to keep moving through to the next step? As I sat down to the computer this morning, I had the intention of writing a press release. Instead, I’m noticing my desire to do anything apart from writing a press release. The house needs to be straightened, I should reach out to that friend in need, e-mails need to be tended to, invoices need to be updated, I have a sudden urge to EAT (yes, I just emptied the remainder of the ice cream in my freezer), the self-sabotaging list grows longer by the minute. I notice that the closer I get to writing this press release that I keep saying that I want to write, the more I feel the desire to give my attention to something else. Internally, I feel my heart racing, my anxiety levels increasing and my body is experiencing an overal tightening. The fear is nearly overwhelming. So, now what? I access my tools:
1. Deepen awareness I get clear about what is happening inside. In this instance, I know that I don’t really want to write a press release. I’m telling myself that I should or that I have to.

2. Identify with clarity With the awareness that I don’t really want to be writing a press release, I move to a place of identifying what it is that I do want, which is to bring my skills and talents as a coach to a broader audience. I’ve told myself that writing a press release and having a published article is that next step. Letting go of that idea that a press release has to be that next step and instead welcoming new ideas.

3. Release judgement The next step for me is to let go of the thoughts of judgement that hold me back from moving forward. Judgement is another excuse to stay put.

4. Reframe thoughts Somewhere along the way I told myself that I had to do this on my own, that it was going to be “hard”. I let go of the idea that it will be hard. I release the idea that I have to do this perfectly or that I have to do it all on my own. When I notice these limiting and sabotaging thoughts, I have the ability to reframe them.

5. Be Gentle with Self while in the processing stage As I reach for the ice cream, I refrain from negative self chatter, which only serves to further distract me from the task before me. I gift myself with the ability to be gentle with myself in the process, knowing that eventually, I’ll crawl my way to the next step, knowing that even with the ice cream polished off, the dishes done and the kitchen shelves rearranged, it is NEVER too late to begin again. The task I have at hand will be there when I am ready to pick it up.

6. Ask for & receive support I release the idea that this has to be all me. I welcome the energy of a fresh outlook, the support of an objective ear, and the wisdom of someone who has greater skills in the area that I feel I have.

7. Move through it and DO IT!

Every task has to start somewhere. I make a list of ways I can start NOW, with what I have, with where I am. I start with the smallest things I can do and I do this without limitation. I let go of the idea that I have to have all of the pieces in place and I do what I can with what I have, trusting that it will eventually come together. Waiting for ALL of the pieces to be in place is another way that I allow myself to stall the process and remain stuck. I let go of being stuck and I move through it. What tools do you have on your list? How do you support yourself to advance to the next level? Like what you're reading? Come "Like" Stellar Evolution Coaching on Facebook. Schedule your very own complimentary consultation with Star Staubach.

10 Tips Toward a Positive Attitude

This quote came across my desk today, "Remember, it isn't your position in life; its your disposition that determines your happiness." I find myself often being challenged about my positive disposition. Some even think that I am in denial about the less than fortunate issues that come across my path. What I've learned along my journey is that having a positive disposition does not mean that every day is filled with blissful JOY. Some days are darker than others. Some days are lighter than others. No matter what is happening around me, I am at choice. Choosing to live in joy, doesn't mean denying the reality of hurt, fear, sadness, etc. It is instead, choosing to acknowledge the reality that even in the midst of a storm, there can still be opportunity to be received. When in the middle of a hurricane, the most beautiful calm emerges. What if in the middle of the next storm, you turned to the calm center within and allowed yourself to ask the question, "What is here for me in this moment to propel me to new growth?" Flowers emerge from manure. We all know that light follows darkness. We know that we cannot put darkness into a flame of light, but we CAN put our flame of light into darkness, thus transforming the dark space into one of light. Cognitively, we get it. Putting it into practice is another story. Here are 10 tips to increase your positive disposition:

1. Notice your body in the moment. Check in. Take inventory of what is going on. Is your heart racing? Are you experiencing tightness in your chest? Simply be aware of how your body is experiencing the moment.
2. Acknowledge your feelings. "This really stinks." Yes, there are times when whatever you are experiencing is truly unpleasant. No one will tell you that choosing a positive disposition means that you get to avoid all uncomfortable situations. So when they arise, acknowledge them for what they are, uncomfortable growing pains.
3. Take a moment to practice deep breathing. Slow down your breathing and allow your body to fill with the benefits of an increase of oxygen.
4. Laugh. If you can, and where appropriate, laugh. For no reason, simply make yourself laugh. Laughter is a way to release stress, anxiety while taking in good amounts of oxygen. Crying has a similar effect, so if crying seems more appropriate than laughter, by all means, do what works for you in the moment.
5. Ask yourself,"What am I trying to control about this situation?" I often find myself experiencing stress/anxiety when a situation isn't going my way. There are times when it might be something simple, like the pair of shoes my 2-year-old chooses to wear, or the traffic around me and there are times when I'd like to control the health of a loved one, the hospital care they receive, and even the death of a loved one. Notice what happens when we try to control something that is essentially out of our control. When I think the traffic "should" be something other than what it is, the result is, I experience more stress and most likely those in the car with me experience it too. Not only do I experience more stress, but I also focus my attention on the problem, hindering my ability to see other ways to be in the situation.
6. Notice your ability to choose. When I allow myself to be at choice about how I see the situation, I open up to new creative ways to be, rather than the habitual feeling of being stuck with the situation. The other night I was up late/early with a teething baby. I fought it for over an hour, allowing the resentment and anger grow inside of me. After experiencing the effects of this for an entire hour, I decided to embrace it, "What can I be choosing differently?" I wrapped her in a blanket and we stepped outside. We shared a few tearless moments as we looked at the moon and the stars. When I got my head out of the victim of "poor me, this really sucks", I was able to open up to the idea that there were other ways I could experience it. The result was a beautiful, refreshing and sweet moment shared under the full moon.
7. Enlist a friend's help. If all else fails, enlist the support of a friend or loved one. Ask them to support you to see other angles of the situation.
8. Make a list of what you LOVE about the situation. Allow yourself to go to a space of gratitude. Again, this does NOT mean that you have to like what is happening, but instead that you acknowledge that there IS something in it that you are gaining. After my dear cousin passed with Leukemia at the age of 5, none of us could have imagined the benefits of the situation. Her older sister, nearly 14 years later has gone on to study nursing, with the intention of being a pediatric nurse of oncology. One of the nurses who cared for my cousin during her stay at the hospital, went on to marry an uncle. Her situation brought inspiration, connection and an expansion of love.
9. Think of a time when something seemed bad, but turned out GREATER than you could have imagined Allow past experience to support you to be reminded that this too shall pass. There is a possibility that this situation could result in a greater outcome than what you are currently experiencing.
10. Add your own flare. My favorite thing to do is a mini tantrum. I have been known to allow my arms to flail, legs to kick and feel to stomp, all while scrunching my face into the tightest scowl I can muster. What flare will you add to your moment?

*Note this post is not recommended to "treat" any chronic mental health issues.

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