The Joy of Letting Go

The Joy of Letting Go

Have you ever begun something with really high motivation, only to hit a road block that left you wondering if you’d ever see the result you set out for?  What do you do in that situation?  How do you navigate beyond that road block?  I found myself in that space recently, and it was deflating and left me feeling paralyzed. I didn’t know what to do and the image of achieving my goal was rapidly slipping from my thoughts.  Instead, my mind was riddled with more obstacles, fears, and doubts.  My head was filled with next steps of implementation for my business, while everywhere else, I was getting signs that my children needed me to stop attending to work and start attending to them.  My sitter quit: “This is my last day. So sorry. I can’t do this.”  It was in this space that I did the thing that felt most uncomfortable to me -- I let go.  I let go of forcing the answer.  I let go of needing it to look my way.  I let go of thinking I was in charge.  Reality was quickly showing me that I had little control of the situation.  It was a ROUGH space to be in.  It felt heavy and paralyzing, and I couldn’t see a way out. The moment I gave myself permission to let go, everything changed.  The following day was filled with a sense of ease, joy, appreciation, and much laughter.  I felt the weight lift.  Admittedly, my mind still wanted to drift to the “problems” of my situation.  I consciously decided to stay clear of thinking about it and instead chose to  focus on being present, in the moment with my children.  Passion and Relationship Coach, Joshua Barfelz of Unearth the Passion discusses this within relationships, encouraging each of us to go to the discomfort. The amygdala (fight or flight portion of our brain) is triggered when we feel discomfort and fear.  In that space we either fight with the situation (or person) we are faced with, or we flee.  Barfelz suggests that when it comes to relationships, since we are relatively safe, but feeling emotionally challenged, it is actually best when we stay with it, and do whatever feels MOST uncomfortable; connect, go to the other person, invite yourself to be more present to the situation, resist the urge to run from the problem.  Spending time with my children was not uncomfortable for me. Instead, the idea that spending time with them would be the solution felt distant.  It felt like I was being irresponsible to my business. In fact, it was the MOST responsible thing I could have done.  While attending to my children, I held the belief and trust that somehow I would find the time to implement my most important next steps for my business.  I surrendered the idea of needing the answers and instead welcomed the opportunity for solutions to flow my way. As you may have guessed, everything worked out fine.  You most likely didn’t notice that I didn’t have a newsletter to you, phone calls and other business-related obligations were tended to on an as-needed basis, which were extremely limited. Most importantly, my girls got to spend quality time with me, and I with them.  I got to see their sweet faces lit up, giggling, and free of worry.  I immediately found another sitter who is delighted at the opportunity to be with my girls AND I attracted a sponsor for my radio show -- a MAJOR WIN in my business and something I have been seeking for months.  I share this with you because I believe this same experience can be yours.  What are you feeling yourself gripping onto?  What are you wanting to flee?  Gift yourself (and others) by going to what feels most uncomfortable.  Extend a gesture to the person you’re feeling distanced from.  Remove yourself from a situation that you feel stuck in.  Notice the way you typically respond and today choose to be with the situation differently by doing what feels uncomfortable.  I believe in you.  Share your comments and feedback below.  Like what you’re reading? Pass it along it along to a friend, maybe this message being passed is your way of extending the olive branch needed. 

Beat Your Own Drum

What thoughts do you have when you hear a statement about beating your own drum? At a workshop recently, a young man said that he feels most alive when he drums.  He was asked to do it on the spot.  When he did, the audience erupted in dance and excitement.  His drumming not only made him come alive, it supported others to do the same.  OK, so he quite literally was drumming, but it got me to thinking that this is a great metaphor for life.  It made me wonder, what is my gift?  What do I have that when expressed brings more joy to the world? I ask the same question of you.  What supports you to beat your own drum of excellence?  If you are anything like me, you might have mind chatter that tells you that beating your own drum is egotistical and selfish.  Maybe you tell yourself that somehow doing so would make you stand out, leaving others to feel insignificant.  The truth that I witnessed as this young man beat on his makeshift drum was quite the opposite of insignificance. Instead, the audience felt more alive! He felt witnessed, validated, and celebrated!  Everyone was lifted by the experience of him beating away, at his own rhythm. Had he played softly, none of them would have had the same experience.  Not all of us have an actual drum that we play on, but we do have a unique gift and when expressed, that gift ignites a spark in the world.   When stifled, tucked away, dismissed and sometimes even shamed, we deprive ourselves and others the opportunity of experiencing the great joy that results from full self expression.  Do yourself a favor and stop the pain of dismissing your gifts. For years, I allowed myself to be contained for fear of what others would think or how they would feel about it.  I could feel the restriction of it and the pain of putting myself into a box that didn’t fit me.  I tried to fit in, blend in and play it safe. 

Give yourself permission to beat your own drum.  Full expression improves the lives of those around you.  Beware, there are some however, who are used to you being contained and it feels uncomfortable and even unpredictable for them if you no longer fit that mold.  It will feel challenging for you to keep your beat.  Over time you'll naturally gravitate to those who celebrate and encourage you while giving you permission to fully be you.  

1. Surround yourself with at least 2-4 people who are able to see you and celebrate, encourage and believe in you. 
2. Notice the way you feel and the way others feel when you are expressing your gifts. Can you think of a time when you felt really joyful after expressing talents?  Maybe it was after a meal you prepared or after delivering a report to a group of peers.  Take notice of how this moment not only blessed you and made you feel whole, but it also blessed those who were present to witness it. 
3. Ask for feedback when it feels appropriate. 
4. Create a “GO FOR IT” pile.  When others are witness to your gifts, they share compliments and encouraging words.  Collect these words of affirmation and return to them when you feel distanced from or in question of your own talent.  This list will support you to keep going through the moments when you feel like the lonely drummer.  

Remember, although you may beat the rhythm of your own drum, others can pick up and will jive with you when you start.  They’re waiting for you to start, so that they can jump in with you!, sharing in a dance of joy and aliveness!  

Here’s to you beating your drum, attracting and connecting with others who resonate with your rhythm and vibe.  I see you shining!  

If you would like to more fully express your talents, feel free to contact Star Staubach for your complimentary consultation.  

The Benefits of Risk Taking

Have you ever found yourself at the edge of a decision, uncertain of what would be in store for you around the corner?  When I started Watch Me Grow Radio, I was clear about one thing, it was NOT about growing a business, it was from the beginning and still is about growing ME! In the meantime, it is blessing more than 21,000 listeners who have tuned in!  The experience has been nothing short of amazing!  I get to have a weekly one-on-one with talented, internationally known and incredibly wise guests.  It has changed my life in many ways.  Here are a few lessons I've learned from jumping off of the edge of fear:   Bold Courage!  When we take the risk to try something new, we increase the likelihood that we'll continue trying new things.   Increased Opportunity!  As you continue to step outside of your comfort zone, you open yourself up to new opportunities, new possibilities and new ways to solve problems. Greater opportunity for a best possible solution!  As you continue to release the fear and allow yourself to take risks, you open up to a variety of solutions.  By expanding the number of solutions, you increase your chances of finding the one that will work best for you!  Increased Creativity!  Risk taking helps you to feel confident to explore the hidden talents that you otherwise might overlook or keep to yourself.  The more you exercise these skills, the more you fine tune them, which leads to greater results Risk Motivates!  When you invest in yourself, with your time, money and resources, you increase your desire for success. New Awareness/Reality!  When you take risks and kick fear to the curb, you create a new reality in your head.  You let go of the notion that you cannot do it.  By moving through the space of fear gives you the reality check you needed to see that he fear you create in your head is much worse than the truth of reality!   As you kick down the door of fear/doubt, you welcome a new reality; a reality of belief in yourself.  A reality that YOU CAN DO THIS!  As you prove to yourself that you can more beyond this fear, you become a living inspiration to others!   I don't know of a single successful person who was unable to take risks.  Let yourself soar, take that risk that you've been avoiding!