5 Tips to Move Through Feeling Heavy-Hearted

If you are anything like me, you've experienced a life challenge (death of a loved one, break up of a long term relationship, diagnosis of a life-altering illness) where, no matter the planning, no matter the attempts at holding a positive attitude, you still feel weighed down by the heaviness of the situation. You move between wanting to crawl into bed and pulling the covers up over your head to wanting to wake up with life returning to "normal", as if your situation didn't exist.  You want to remove yourself from it, making every attempt to distract yourself from feeling the full effect of the pain, hurt, anger, sadness, or other strong emotion that might be leaving you feeling stuck.  The reality is that no matter what you do to remove yourself from it, you still feel mired down by the details of the situation.

The Five Things you need MOST to move through this situation are:

1. Your feelings are there to SERVE YOU.  Let them.

Give yourself permission to feel every emotion that you are experiencing.  Avoiding what you are experiencing will only intensify it later.  Think of your feelings as indicators, such as the indicator on your gas tank, reminding you of when your gas tank needs to be filled up.  When this happens, you take the time to tend to what is needed.  You do not judge it or over-think it (too much), you just do what is needed and move on.  What if you were to do the same with your feelings?  They are here to serve as indicators, gently reminding you of the need to fill up with compassion for and acceptance of yourself, as well as the gift of being present to and for yourself.

2. Freedom to move about your day doing what feels right in the moment.
Take a nap if you need to, cry, exercise, clean, etc. Whatever you need in the moment, you give yourself permission to experience it. This might even mean taking a day off of work so that you can have the freedom to do what feels right for you in the moment.

3. Call-in support.
 It is important to have someone who can listen to you as you express what you are fully feeling.  This person not only listens, but they validate for you the challenge of the situation.  As much as you'd like to see it in a positive light, sometimes, the situation is HEAVY, sometimes it is OK to take a day and be with the weight of it,  and to allow the breakdown.

4. Permission to let go of the ideal image of what it "should" be like.
 In this situation it might be tempting to judge yourself that you should be somewhere other than where you are.  You "should" be experiencing different emotions than you are, you "should" be supporting others, conducting daily chores, etc.  There is NO perfect situation.  No perfect words to share, no perfect emotions to experience, no perfect tasks to move you through.  The perfection is in the imperfection of the moment.  It will feel messy, painful, and chaotic.  If it didn't, you would not be experiencing a true life challenge.

5. Avoid unhealthy ways of numbing the pain.
It can be tempting to turn to alcohol or other substances to numb the pain during this challenging time.  This is not only dangerous, it is counter-productive.  Altering your state with distractions and/or substances means you're pushing away the emotion, not eliminating it.   The only way to eliminate it is to feel it. Numbing your feelings with substances and/or other unhealthy distractions means the emotions will intensify until you cope with them in a real way.

Know that this moment will not last and before you know it, you will emerge with greater strength and a new appreciation of what you have gained from the experience.  Between now and then, hang on to the joy that surrounds you and resides within you, memories of days that are lighter.  

Play A Bigger Game

Last week I had a conversation with a friend about playing big. She shared with me that she sometimes feels judgement from me that she is too “small”.  It made me sad to think that she heard the message at some point that I think she is playing too small.  It made me wonder, “Are there other people who think I am judging where they are?  How am I making people feel that way?”  I get it.  I talk a lot about living to your potential, living your dream, playing a bigger game.  I have fallen short of defining what it means for me to say, “dream big”.  In working with my clients, I have found that the majority of them have little idea of what their dream is, until asked, until I give them permission to attend to it.  When was the last time you gave yourself permission to really dream BIG?  For me, playing big is not associated with anything tied to the ego.  It is not measured against someone else, it is not scaled as in BIG or SMALL.  Instead, playing BIG means FULLY living out who you are.  Give yourself permission to be you. If living in a cozy one-bedroom apartment is your dream and you’re LOVING it, AWESOME! If your dream is traveling the world with your family, AWESOME!  I am not attached to what your ideal life looks like.  It may appear small, it may appear luxurious, it may appear humble, what it looks like doesn’t matter.  What matters is how it feels on YOU!  When you hear me say play BIG, it means, PLAY BIG at BEING YOU!  Playing BIG at being you means you stand up for your values, you are unapologetic about who you are and what your convictions are.  It means you are comfortable, confident, and secure in the life you are living.  Playing BIG at being YOU means you are maximizing your opportunity for joy.  It doesn’t mean that you’re eating steak and lobster ever night (although for some it may mean that). It means celebrate, honor, treasure, and value who you are, the gifts you bring, and the life you live.  If you’re feeling removed from that in any way, that is an indicator that there is more of you to be shared, experienced, celebrated, and expressed.  When you reach that space of fully expressing and living as YOU, you’ll experience the greatest joy you have ever known.  You’ll be energized, full of life, and have the ability to creatively navigate through obstacles. 

How to identify that you are playing BIG: 

Are you feeling fulfilled at the end of the day?  Do you go to sleep most nights saying to yourself, "Today was a good day.  I served the world today."? 

2. Do you spend the day doing what you love?  Are you doing tasks that leave you feeling connected to your joy? 

3. Are there times when you do not know what the next step is?  If you know the next step and everything is ordered, planned, and structured, I would suggest that your dream is not big enough! A BIG dream requires that you let go of being in control.  It requires you to be open, curious, and BOLD. 

4. Are you feeling valued, honored, and celebrated?  When you're living your dream and are in alignment with your truest essence, you no longer hide your gifts.  When you share your gifts you are celebrated by being compensated. 

5. You cannot do it alone.  No one ever does.  It is a myth we tell ourselves, that we should be able to achieve everything all on our own.  The truth is, every successful person has a someone -- maybe even a team of people -- supporting them. Do not hesitate to ask for help and delegate the tasks that take time from your serving in a bigger way.  Hand those tasks over to someone who will LOVE the opportunity to do them. The irony is that while I was attempting to make everyone happy, the result was that everyone was being deprived of the joy that I seek to create in the world.  In taking up that space in the job that was not serving me, I was also denying someone more qualified and more motivated the opportunity to THRIVE in it.  As I released the burden of thinking that I had to stay, I opened up opportunities for a better, more productive space for all.  

6. Are the relationships in your life leaving you feeling supported and nourished?  Do you feel encouraged to be yourself?

Happy Mother's Day

In a recent post, I confessed that for Mother's Day all I wanted was some time to myself.  I certainly got what I asked for, and then some!  Watch the video below to hear about my experience of being away on Mother's Day.

Raise Your Radiance

I recently attended a conference put on Fabienne and Derrik Fredrickson.  The energy in the room was amazing!  They inspired me to step more fully into my own voice and I realized that as I connect more fully to my own aliveness, I notice the powerful impact it is having in my life and those around me!  I am passionate about supporting others to come alive with radiance! Why care about your radiance?  As you ignite your inner flame, you spread a spark for others to do the same.  That flame spreads like wildfire!  Can you think of a time when you've noticed this happening?  Have you ever been in the company of a great speaker, one who lights up the audience?  You have that same ability to pass your light onto those around you.  Your energy is contagious.  When you raise your inner and outer radiance, you shine brighter for the world to see.  Shining brighter means you serve the world in a bigger way. It is not a luxury to give attention to my radiance, it is an obligation.  It is how we elevate the level of JOY on the planet! View my recent video about raising your radiance!

Divorcing Fear

Tools to separate yourself from fear: 

1. Become clear about the intentions of the action.  What you are motivated by?  If you are motivated by anything other than your truest values, you will feel it and others will too!

2. Over analysis causes paralysis.  Having a completed product is better than having no product at all.  Become aware if perfection paralysis is stopping you.


3. Take one small step toward your goal.  Even if it means that you simply put your running shoes on and wear them for the day.  As you do, you're creating a new neural pathway to the brain.  After you've mastered this new habit of wearing running shoes, you'll take the next step of actually running.  This step building actually creates new pathways, sending messages to the brain.   Before you know it you'll go from, "I wear running shoes." to "I am a runner." 


4. Notice other times when you've been able to complete a similar task.  Allow yourself to be motivated by the relief and excitement of completion.


5. Make a list of what you are saying NO to and what you are saying YES to.  For me, saying YES to this newsletter means saying NO to being stuck with fear. Saying YES  to sending it out means YES to new opportunities of growth for my highly motivated clients!  YES to living my purpose, YES to living my dream, YES to seeing others live enriched lives! 

Fear; The Indicator of Growth

A lot of exciting things are happening with Stellar Evolution Coaching!  I am noticing that as the business evolves, my fears are having the opportunity to be tested.  The coolest part of the process of growth is that the fears are usually NEVER as big in reality as they are in my mind.  Do you have the same experience?    Sometimes I even notice my fears holding me back.  As I was running last week, I could feel myself holding back with the thought, "I have to hold back, I don't want to over do it.  What if I can't keep this momentum?  What if I run out of breath?  What if I collapse in exhaustion?"  The reality is, what if any one of those fears did actually come to fruition?  The truth is, if I feel out of breath, overwhelmed, or exhausted, I will automatically slow down.  My body knows what I need and I trust that I am not going to allow myself to collapse in exhaustion from a light jog.  The key word?  Trust.  If fear is showing up, it is an indication that growth is around the corner.  Growing pains mean that we are about to graduate to a new level.  Remember that feeling of graduating from school?  We were scared, excited and nervous about what the real world would be like?  And then once we entered into that next phase, we found new things to love about it.  Allow fear to be an indicator for you that you are on the path to new growth.  

Want support moving through the fear of the next step? Schedule your complimentary consultation.  

5 Steps to Come ALIVE with Radiance

COME ALIVE with radiance, joy and passion! 

1. BE curious!  
    
 ~ Allow yourself to be open to the opportunities that are flowing your way!  What does it look like to be curious?  Sometimes it is as simple as noticing that you have a vision of how things should be.  When that awareness creeps in, when you notice yourself feeling attached to an outcome, turn up the curiosity.  Allow yourself to question, is there more here for me to experience?  Is there a different way to see this?  Could I experience a different turn out than what is expected?  Is there another way to achieve the goal?

2. Claim what you LOVE about Life!

    List 5 things that you LOVE about your life! Claim it, own it! What are you loving about
    your life?  Feel yourself connect to that love of life, as it is in this moment.  Gratitude is
    synonymous for happiness.  

3. Say, "YES!"  

    Yes to receiving; gifts and compliments. When someone offers you a compliment, it is ok
    to say, "Yes, I do look good today.  Yes, I will accept that invitation for a coffee. Yes, I will
    receive support.  Yes, I like these earrings, as well."

4. Give to Yourself ~ 
    
    Give yourself something special; a bubble bath, a coffee break, luxurious night's sleep, a
    bouquet of flowers.  Take the time to do something special for YOU!  

5.  Listen to the whispers that are calling you to be the best version of yourself. 

     What is calling you to attend?  What do you KNOW that if you started doing it today,
     your quality of life would improve?  Drink more water?  Earlier bedtime?  Listen to your
     whispers. 
  

Live On Forever

I think we can all agree that the world needs more love, compassion and radiance.  Without it, we starve ourselves by hoarding and seeing one another as competitors.  What legacy are you ready to leave the world with? What imprint are you leaving behind when you go?

Take Time to Connect

Studies show that isolating animals, produces significant stress.  We see the same results for our species.  We even use isolation as a form of punishment.  This holiday season, as our stressors can be at an all time high, make a point to reach out to others for a sense of connection.  Here is a list of ways you can reach out for connection: 

1. Invite a group of friends to go Carolling at a local nursing home
2. Attend a Holiday Concert
3. Plan a potluck with friends/family
4. Buy a stranger a cup of coffee
5. Committ to doing a Random Act of Kindness 1x/week (or more)
6. Volunteer at a local shelter
7. Do yardwork for your neighbor
8. Take a meal to a family in need
9. Choose to perform a random act of compassion
10. write a letter to someone 
11. Call a friend to share how much they mean to you 
12. Invite friends over for a dance party
13. Invite family/friends to play games
14. Join an indoor sports league 
15. Register to take a class/book study

Share with me! Let me know how you connect with others and the benefits you receive from reaching out to others. Join the conversation on Twitter with #StellarConnection 

The Benefits of Risk Taking

Have you ever found yourself at the edge of a decision, uncertain of what would be in store for you around the corner?  When I started Watch Me Grow Radio, I was clear about one thing, it was NOT about growing a business, it was from the beginning and still is about growing ME! In the meantime, it is blessing more than 21,000 listeners who have tuned in!  The experience has been nothing short of amazing!  I get to have a weekly one-on-one with talented, internationally known and incredibly wise guests.  It has changed my life in many ways.  Here are a few lessons I've learned from jumping off of the edge of fear:   Bold Courage!  When we take the risk to try something new, we increase the likelihood that we'll continue trying new things.   Increased Opportunity!  As you continue to step outside of your comfort zone, you open yourself up to new opportunities, new possibilities and new ways to solve problems. Greater opportunity for a best possible solution!  As you continue to release the fear and allow yourself to take risks, you open up to a variety of solutions.  By expanding the number of solutions, you increase your chances of finding the one that will work best for you!  Increased Creativity!  Risk taking helps you to feel confident to explore the hidden talents that you otherwise might overlook or keep to yourself.  The more you exercise these skills, the more you fine tune them, which leads to greater results Risk Motivates!  When you invest in yourself, with your time, money and resources, you increase your desire for success. New Awareness/Reality!  When you take risks and kick fear to the curb, you create a new reality in your head.  You let go of the notion that you cannot do it.  By moving through the space of fear gives you the reality check you needed to see that he fear you create in your head is much worse than the truth of reality!   As you kick down the door of fear/doubt, you welcome a new reality; a reality of belief in yourself.  A reality that YOU CAN DO THIS!  As you prove to yourself that you can more beyond this fear, you become a living inspiration to others!   I don't know of a single successful person who was unable to take risks.  Let yourself soar, take that risk that you've been avoiding!

Face to Face with Excuses

During my most recent radio show with Martha Creek, I felt myself squirming in my seat as I came face to face with my excuses.  Yes!  I have excuses too!  In fact, even as I type this, I can feel the squirming again.  It brings me to this thought; When I come face to face with my excuses, I am left with a choice. Do I continue to feed the excuse or do I move beyond it with clarity, courage and determination?  Below are some steps to support you to not only come face to face with your excuse, but to move beyond it, so that you can experience the calm that comes from releasing it! 

• Discern the Truth.  If whatever you are telling yourself in your head keeps you from doing, living and feeling free to choose, it is an excuse.  
• See it for what it is, an excuse! Notice where it limits you:  Become clear that it IS limiting you.  It is limiting what you do, how you show up in the world and who you surround yourself with. 
• Feel the sensation of releasing it, as you break free from the excuse.  Allow yourself a moment to think about the why/how you are unable to be doing what you want.  Now take a deep breath and allow yourself to experience what it would feel like to be free of that thought.  What would it feel like in your body to be free of the barrier that your excuse provides for you?  Become aware of what it would feel like to break free from the limiting chatter that surrounds your excuse.
•  Take the step to Move Beyond It! Make a list of ways you've already overcome other excuses.  List times you surprised yourself with doing a little extra here and there.  Make a list of ways you can support yourself to take the next step.  AND then, JUST DO IT!  Take the step, surprise yourself!