Play A Bigger Game

Last week I had a conversation with a friend about playing big. She shared with me that she sometimes feels judgement from me that she is too “small”.  It made me sad to think that she heard the message at some point that I think she is playing too small.  It made me wonder, “Are there other people who think I am judging where they are?  How am I making people feel that way?”  I get it.  I talk a lot about living to your potential, living your dream, playing a bigger game.  I have fallen short of defining what it means for me to say, “dream big”.  In working with my clients, I have found that the majority of them have little idea of what their dream is, until asked, until I give them permission to attend to it.  When was the last time you gave yourself permission to really dream BIG?  For me, playing big is not associated with anything tied to the ego.  It is not measured against someone else, it is not scaled as in BIG or SMALL.  Instead, playing BIG means FULLY living out who you are.  Give yourself permission to be you. If living in a cozy one-bedroom apartment is your dream and you’re LOVING it, AWESOME! If your dream is traveling the world with your family, AWESOME!  I am not attached to what your ideal life looks like.  It may appear small, it may appear luxurious, it may appear humble, what it looks like doesn’t matter.  What matters is how it feels on YOU!  When you hear me say play BIG, it means, PLAY BIG at BEING YOU!  Playing BIG at being you means you stand up for your values, you are unapologetic about who you are and what your convictions are.  It means you are comfortable, confident, and secure in the life you are living.  Playing BIG at being YOU means you are maximizing your opportunity for joy.  It doesn’t mean that you’re eating steak and lobster ever night (although for some it may mean that). It means celebrate, honor, treasure, and value who you are, the gifts you bring, and the life you live.  If you’re feeling removed from that in any way, that is an indicator that there is more of you to be shared, experienced, celebrated, and expressed.  When you reach that space of fully expressing and living as YOU, you’ll experience the greatest joy you have ever known.  You’ll be energized, full of life, and have the ability to creatively navigate through obstacles. 

How to identify that you are playing BIG: 

Are you feeling fulfilled at the end of the day?  Do you go to sleep most nights saying to yourself, "Today was a good day.  I served the world today."? 

2. Do you spend the day doing what you love?  Are you doing tasks that leave you feeling connected to your joy? 

3. Are there times when you do not know what the next step is?  If you know the next step and everything is ordered, planned, and structured, I would suggest that your dream is not big enough! A BIG dream requires that you let go of being in control.  It requires you to be open, curious, and BOLD. 

4. Are you feeling valued, honored, and celebrated?  When you're living your dream and are in alignment with your truest essence, you no longer hide your gifts.  When you share your gifts you are celebrated by being compensated. 

5. You cannot do it alone.  No one ever does.  It is a myth we tell ourselves, that we should be able to achieve everything all on our own.  The truth is, every successful person has a someone -- maybe even a team of people -- supporting them. Do not hesitate to ask for help and delegate the tasks that take time from your serving in a bigger way.  Hand those tasks over to someone who will LOVE the opportunity to do them. The irony is that while I was attempting to make everyone happy, the result was that everyone was being deprived of the joy that I seek to create in the world.  In taking up that space in the job that was not serving me, I was also denying someone more qualified and more motivated the opportunity to THRIVE in it.  As I released the burden of thinking that I had to stay, I opened up opportunities for a better, more productive space for all.  

6. Are the relationships in your life leaving you feeling supported and nourished?  Do you feel encouraged to be yourself?

Confessions of Motherhood

I have a confession to make.  Last year, all I wanted for Mother's Day was a BREAK from being "Mom".
I realize that there will be a time when I read that statement and realize that I was missing the joy of parenting and I would agree.  At that time, I was TOTALLY missing the joy of mothering!  In fact, I was looking to escape parenting at any (nearly every) opportunity I could.  This year, I am looking forward to Mother's Day and special time with my family.  What makes this year different? There are several factors involved, the greatest one being that I have reconnected with the passion within me that exists beyond mothering.  Parenting is WONDERFUL.  It is rewarding.  It can be fun.  It is invigorating at times.  AND, I have passions, desires, longings that go beyond what mothering can provide.  I've noticed that the more I take time out for myself, to fuel my soul with my passions, the more I connect with the joys of being a mom.  Somewhere along the way of becoming a parent I adopted the belief that I had to GIVE UP to be the kind of parent I want to be.  That didn't work very well.  In fact, it created resentment and anger.  I now realize that I do not have to give up, but instead redefine and discover what it means to integrate all aspects of who I am into my life.  I am a successfully growing entrepreneur. I am a loving, patient and present mother.  I'm learning to get out of the way of my self-imposed limiting beliefs move toward the bigger picture of having it all!  I hold that same belief for you!  What self-imposed limitation are you ready to release so that you can more fully embrace the ease and joy of what awaits you? 

The Healthy Stress of Intimacy

Each month I delay a little longer in sending out my newsletter.  I can procrastinate with the best of them.  All through my studies in college, I noticed myself putting off assignments and projects until the last minute.  I could see the method in my madness, but I didn't know that there was actual science to support what I knew was true for me.  I was recently introduced to the work of Dr. John Ratey, author of Spark; The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain.  In his book, Dr. Ratey discusses the release of epinephrine in the brain when we experience stress.  The brain perceived all of the following situations as stress; social/emotional challenges, job-related stress, exercise, healthy intercourse, AND the stress of waiting until the last minute to complete a task.  The flight of fight response of the amygdala ("reptilian brain") is triggered.  The fight of flight response of the amygdala served us, and even saved our lives when we, as a species, were being threatened by dangerous animals.  Now, our bodies still prepare for the fight or flight when we experience stress.  In preparing our bodies for that response, the epinephrine and the triggering of the amygdala support the brain to make quick decisions, think on our feet and have a more clear focus.  After reading the science behind it, my procrastination made much more sense to me.  As I suspected, in waiting until the last minute, I was able to complete the task and feel relatively clear about my direction and concentrated focus.  However, had I created healthy stress along the way through exercise and/or healthy intercourse, I could have avoided the pain produced by the procrastination.   If you or someone you know is addicted to the unhealthy stress, know that it is not the stress that you seek, but instead the rush of epinephrine.  Try producing that same rush through healthy sex or exercise and see what kind of results you get in your ability to complete tasks.  Share your comments and results here!  I love to hear what it looks like in your life! 

The Benefits of Risk Taking

Have you ever found yourself at the edge of a decision, uncertain of what would be in store for you around the corner?  When I started Watch Me Grow Radio, I was clear about one thing, it was NOT about growing a business, it was from the beginning and still is about growing ME! In the meantime, it is blessing more than 21,000 listeners who have tuned in!  The experience has been nothing short of amazing!  I get to have a weekly one-on-one with talented, internationally known and incredibly wise guests.  It has changed my life in many ways.  Here are a few lessons I've learned from jumping off of the edge of fear:   Bold Courage!  When we take the risk to try something new, we increase the likelihood that we'll continue trying new things.   Increased Opportunity!  As you continue to step outside of your comfort zone, you open yourself up to new opportunities, new possibilities and new ways to solve problems. Greater opportunity for a best possible solution!  As you continue to release the fear and allow yourself to take risks, you open up to a variety of solutions.  By expanding the number of solutions, you increase your chances of finding the one that will work best for you!  Increased Creativity!  Risk taking helps you to feel confident to explore the hidden talents that you otherwise might overlook or keep to yourself.  The more you exercise these skills, the more you fine tune them, which leads to greater results Risk Motivates!  When you invest in yourself, with your time, money and resources, you increase your desire for success. New Awareness/Reality!  When you take risks and kick fear to the curb, you create a new reality in your head.  You let go of the notion that you cannot do it.  By moving through the space of fear gives you the reality check you needed to see that he fear you create in your head is much worse than the truth of reality!   As you kick down the door of fear/doubt, you welcome a new reality; a reality of belief in yourself.  A reality that YOU CAN DO THIS!  As you prove to yourself that you can more beyond this fear, you become a living inspiration to others!   I don't know of a single successful person who was unable to take risks.  Let yourself soar, take that risk that you've been avoiding!

Manifesting Misconceptions

While studying Life Coaching at Invite Change, I recall snickering through one particular class.  Why snicker?  One simple word, "Probe".  As my classmate and I were studying, "Manifestation", we decided to put it to the test.  What did we choose to manifest?  "Probe".  To be exact, we wanted our lead instructor to use the word at least once in class.  Ok, so maybe not such a huge stretch.  To our amazement, she used that word 5-7 times that day. Each time, we squealed with delight.  Was it magic, did we make that word come from our instructor's mouth?  Well, not quite. What we did do, is bring it to our awareness for the day.  Had we not held the vision for the word probe to be spoken, it would have come and gone and we may have never even noticed.  The word was there and the opportunity for the word to be spoken was always there, whether we held the vision for it or not.  The possibility exists.  It always does.  Know the truth, if you can vision it, it is possible.
Here is a simple equation to support you to give your vision focus and intention.

Intention + Attention = Manifestation

Intention -
What are you seeking from the result of your goal?  If it is a red Ferrari that you are seeking to manifest, be clear about your intention for that vehicle.  Will it bring you a sense of freedom?  A sense of sex appeal, accomplishment, or wealth?  Become clear about what your intention is with your goal.

Attention -
Focus your attention (thoughts and actions) toward what you are seeking.  Release any thoughts that detract from you obtaining your set goal.

Manifestation -
Congratulations, you've turned your vision into reality.

What opportunities are you willing to hold in your consciousness today?  Plant a seed and watch it take sprout.

Beyond Excuses; Creating the Life You Desire

Have you ever caught someone saying that they want something, only to follow with a reason why they cannot receive that which they desire?  "I really want to change my job/life/relationship, but I cannot because of (insert excuse).  Have you ever offered to fix someone's excuse, believing the truth in it, only to realize that the excuse offered was just that, an excuse to get out doing the work required to change it?  Can you think of a time when you were good at making excuses?  What are your greatest and most dominant excuses?  I have a list of them myself.  I catch myself saying, "I am a stay-at-home-mom. I cannot make time for myself.  I don't have the luxury of giving to myself, my business, my needs."  The only truth in that statement is, "I am a stay-at-home-mom."  We all have the same 24 hours in a day.  We each make choices about how we choose to spend the valuable resource of our time and money.  I am in the business of being with individuals as they bring about powerful and lasting change in life.  I get to be with clients as they move through the space of resistance.

What stops us from making big changes?  What keeps me making excuses?  The same things that keep you from making changes;

1. Dissuasion.  I tell myself that life is fine the way that it is, I don't really need to be doing anything differently.  Asking for more is greedy.  There are a number of things I tell myself that lead me away from seeking what it is that I deeply desire.  What do you find yourself saying when you know that a change is calling?
2. Distraction.  I could have a master's degree in distraction.  There are times when I can be in the flow of change and suddenly I'll find myself being attracted to the drama of life.  Other common distractions:  "I'll put myself on the dating market as soon as I lose weight."  "I'll invest in myself as soon as I get the raise that I've been wanting."   What is it that you tell yourself when you are on the way to creating positive change for  yourself?
3.  Fear.  Fear is the last ditch effort I make to self sabotage when moving toward change.  Fear can take over as I listen to the little voice inside screaming at me, "Who do you think you are?  Do you really think this change will amount to anything?  Do you really think you'll be able to pull that off?  Give it up, you can't make this last."  What is your fear yelling at you?  When have you noticed fear keeping you from moving toward the life of your dreams?

The dissuasion, distraction and fear are not the truth of who you are and what life has in store for you.  As you calm the voices of dissuasion, distraction and fear, you will come out of this space stronger, more confident and feeling more connected to your authentic power.

So how do you do it? Be gentle with yourself.  Be observer.  Simply notice and give attention to the voice within.  When you notice the voice, where you are in your process, you allow yourself the gift of creating clarity.  With that clarity and new awareness, you now have the ability to choose.  You can choose your thought and your actions.  What is next?  What will support you to move through it?  Contact a friend, ask for support, JUST DO IT!  You already know the results of NOT doing it.  Allow yourself the gift of receiving the benefits of breaking through the barrier of fear, distraction and dissuasion.


                                       

The Success of Stumbling

My youngest daughter started walking recently.  Watching her progress from standing to taking a step, to taking multiple steps and now walking with greater confidence has reminded me of the amazing ability we have to get back up and keep trying!  I cannot count the number of times I've watched her fall on her face or onto her diaper padded bottom, only to see her put her hands out in front of her and push herself up again to keep practicing her new skill. Growing pains are aptly named.  They are uncomfortable.  You may have noticed that your growth doesn't feel so great at times.  GOOD!  This is exactly what you are meant to be experiencing.  This means that growth is on your horizon.  Keep it up!  Keep moving, breathing, waking up and working through this space of change, as it is leading you to the next level of success!  Feeling scared of that next job opportunity?  Feeling uncertain about your next project?  Feeling uneasy about what will happen next, and how will it all work out?  These can be the questions that come up when we are ready to experience something transformative.  If this space is causing you anxiety, stress, and discomfort, allow yourself to listen to what you are experiencing.  Allow it to support you to what awaits you; new opportunity, new possibility, new growth, new habits, new skills.   May you recognize that those baby steps are a necessary part of the journey to reach the peak of the mountain.  AND, I wouldn't expect my daughter to climb a mountain or run a marathon with her newfound skill of walking.  This is a space to be gentle with yourself.  Practice baby steps.  Allow room for yourself to stumble.  Know that you always have the option to remain at the stage that you are currently experiencing, just as you have the choice to pick up and keep pushing to the next level of success.  The choice is yours.  Will you remain where you are or will you remember the skill you have to keep trying?

Visionaries Welcome!

Steve Jobs wore many titles; visionary, CEO of Apple, businessman, and successful entrepreneur to name a few.  He did not stop at his first success.   We did not watch him produce his first computer only to walk away with a fortune.  Long after his first successful computer, continued to dream, to design and to believe in himself and his ability to continue pushing himself to expand.  As a life coach, this is what I support my clients to do; expand, believe in themselves and in the ability to dream bigger.  Life doesn't have to be a struggle to receive the benefits of coaching.   I believe in you, in your talents, in your ability to achieve your grandest goals.  What are you ready to build upon?  What successes are you ready to expand to the next level?  What best supports you to continue on your journey of expansion?