Play A Bigger Game

Last week I had a conversation with a friend about playing big. She shared with me that she sometimes feels judgement from me that she is too “small”.  It made me sad to think that she heard the message at some point that I think she is playing too small.  It made me wonder, “Are there other people who think I am judging where they are?  How am I making people feel that way?”  I get it.  I talk a lot about living to your potential, living your dream, playing a bigger game.  I have fallen short of defining what it means for me to say, “dream big”.  In working with my clients, I have found that the majority of them have little idea of what their dream is, until asked, until I give them permission to attend to it.  When was the last time you gave yourself permission to really dream BIG?  For me, playing big is not associated with anything tied to the ego.  It is not measured against someone else, it is not scaled as in BIG or SMALL.  Instead, playing BIG means FULLY living out who you are.  Give yourself permission to be you. If living in a cozy one-bedroom apartment is your dream and you’re LOVING it, AWESOME! If your dream is traveling the world with your family, AWESOME!  I am not attached to what your ideal life looks like.  It may appear small, it may appear luxurious, it may appear humble, what it looks like doesn’t matter.  What matters is how it feels on YOU!  When you hear me say play BIG, it means, PLAY BIG at BEING YOU!  Playing BIG at being you means you stand up for your values, you are unapologetic about who you are and what your convictions are.  It means you are comfortable, confident, and secure in the life you are living.  Playing BIG at being YOU means you are maximizing your opportunity for joy.  It doesn’t mean that you’re eating steak and lobster ever night (although for some it may mean that). It means celebrate, honor, treasure, and value who you are, the gifts you bring, and the life you live.  If you’re feeling removed from that in any way, that is an indicator that there is more of you to be shared, experienced, celebrated, and expressed.  When you reach that space of fully expressing and living as YOU, you’ll experience the greatest joy you have ever known.  You’ll be energized, full of life, and have the ability to creatively navigate through obstacles. 

How to identify that you are playing BIG: 

Are you feeling fulfilled at the end of the day?  Do you go to sleep most nights saying to yourself, "Today was a good day.  I served the world today."? 

2. Do you spend the day doing what you love?  Are you doing tasks that leave you feeling connected to your joy? 

3. Are there times when you do not know what the next step is?  If you know the next step and everything is ordered, planned, and structured, I would suggest that your dream is not big enough! A BIG dream requires that you let go of being in control.  It requires you to be open, curious, and BOLD. 

4. Are you feeling valued, honored, and celebrated?  When you're living your dream and are in alignment with your truest essence, you no longer hide your gifts.  When you share your gifts you are celebrated by being compensated. 

5. You cannot do it alone.  No one ever does.  It is a myth we tell ourselves, that we should be able to achieve everything all on our own.  The truth is, every successful person has a someone -- maybe even a team of people -- supporting them. Do not hesitate to ask for help and delegate the tasks that take time from your serving in a bigger way.  Hand those tasks over to someone who will LOVE the opportunity to do them. The irony is that while I was attempting to make everyone happy, the result was that everyone was being deprived of the joy that I seek to create in the world.  In taking up that space in the job that was not serving me, I was also denying someone more qualified and more motivated the opportunity to THRIVE in it.  As I released the burden of thinking that I had to stay, I opened up opportunities for a better, more productive space for all.  

6. Are the relationships in your life leaving you feeling supported and nourished?  Do you feel encouraged to be yourself?

Flowing Toward Ease

As I was on my way to pick up my daughter from school yesterday, construction required that I change lanes.  As the arrow is blinking at me to get over, I activated my turning signal, indicating that I'd like to be let into the traffic in the next lane.  Although there was enough space for the car behind me to let me in, the driver didn't notice me and continued on.  In an instant I felt frustrated and dismissed.  I may have even spoken a few expletives in my head.  If I am ONLY paying attention to what I am doing, to what MY car is doing, I run the risk of being injured in a car accident.  If I drop all of my attention from myself and place it only on those around me, I still run the risk a crash.

How does this focus play a role in my life?  When I leave myself out of the equation of where my energy goes, I notice a personal downward spiral.  You may as well throw playfulness out the window.  Present and patient?  No way!  I am quick to snap, judge and be angry.  When I lose sight of personal awareness, I feel reckless, just as I would in a car.  However, the opposite extreme of ONLY focusing on myself does not feel good either.  It feels out of alignment.  Do know the feeling when you're car is out of alignment?  I know that feeling all too well.  Recently after hitting a drain, I knocked my car out of alignment.  It felt scary, reckless and out of control.  It made me cry out for help, insisting that I look to others for support, guidance and repair.  You see, I do not have to be an island.  I do not have to do it all on my own.  Somewhere in my life I adopted the idea that I had to be in charge, or else things wouldn't get done.  As I diffuse that story, I notice the ease that comes with delegating, releasing control and allowing the flow of trusting.  Just as the safest place to be in traffic is aware and flowing with what is happening, I allow that same flow in my day.  I trust myself in knowing what to do next, when to call for help and when to let go.  I let go, not because I have to, but instead because I do not wish for the craziness of thinking that I have to do it all.

What can you let go of today?  How can you shift your focus to bring you greater balance, ease, joy and flow?