Play A Bigger Game

Last week I had a conversation with a friend about playing big. She shared with me that she sometimes feels judgement from me that she is too “small”.  It made me sad to think that she heard the message at some point that I think she is playing too small.  It made me wonder, “Are there other people who think I am judging where they are?  How am I making people feel that way?”  I get it.  I talk a lot about living to your potential, living your dream, playing a bigger game.  I have fallen short of defining what it means for me to say, “dream big”.  In working with my clients, I have found that the majority of them have little idea of what their dream is, until asked, until I give them permission to attend to it.  When was the last time you gave yourself permission to really dream BIG?  For me, playing big is not associated with anything tied to the ego.  It is not measured against someone else, it is not scaled as in BIG or SMALL.  Instead, playing BIG means FULLY living out who you are.  Give yourself permission to be you. If living in a cozy one-bedroom apartment is your dream and you’re LOVING it, AWESOME! If your dream is traveling the world with your family, AWESOME!  I am not attached to what your ideal life looks like.  It may appear small, it may appear luxurious, it may appear humble, what it looks like doesn’t matter.  What matters is how it feels on YOU!  When you hear me say play BIG, it means, PLAY BIG at BEING YOU!  Playing BIG at being you means you stand up for your values, you are unapologetic about who you are and what your convictions are.  It means you are comfortable, confident, and secure in the life you are living.  Playing BIG at being YOU means you are maximizing your opportunity for joy.  It doesn’t mean that you’re eating steak and lobster ever night (although for some it may mean that). It means celebrate, honor, treasure, and value who you are, the gifts you bring, and the life you live.  If you’re feeling removed from that in any way, that is an indicator that there is more of you to be shared, experienced, celebrated, and expressed.  When you reach that space of fully expressing and living as YOU, you’ll experience the greatest joy you have ever known.  You’ll be energized, full of life, and have the ability to creatively navigate through obstacles. 

How to identify that you are playing BIG: 

Are you feeling fulfilled at the end of the day?  Do you go to sleep most nights saying to yourself, "Today was a good day.  I served the world today."? 

2. Do you spend the day doing what you love?  Are you doing tasks that leave you feeling connected to your joy? 

3. Are there times when you do not know what the next step is?  If you know the next step and everything is ordered, planned, and structured, I would suggest that your dream is not big enough! A BIG dream requires that you let go of being in control.  It requires you to be open, curious, and BOLD. 

4. Are you feeling valued, honored, and celebrated?  When you're living your dream and are in alignment with your truest essence, you no longer hide your gifts.  When you share your gifts you are celebrated by being compensated. 

5. You cannot do it alone.  No one ever does.  It is a myth we tell ourselves, that we should be able to achieve everything all on our own.  The truth is, every successful person has a someone -- maybe even a team of people -- supporting them. Do not hesitate to ask for help and delegate the tasks that take time from your serving in a bigger way.  Hand those tasks over to someone who will LOVE the opportunity to do them. The irony is that while I was attempting to make everyone happy, the result was that everyone was being deprived of the joy that I seek to create in the world.  In taking up that space in the job that was not serving me, I was also denying someone more qualified and more motivated the opportunity to THRIVE in it.  As I released the burden of thinking that I had to stay, I opened up opportunities for a better, more productive space for all.  

6. Are the relationships in your life leaving you feeling supported and nourished?  Do you feel encouraged to be yourself?

Divorcing Fear

Tools to separate yourself from fear: 

1. Become clear about the intentions of the action.  What you are motivated by?  If you are motivated by anything other than your truest values, you will feel it and others will too!

2. Over analysis causes paralysis.  Having a completed product is better than having no product at all.  Become aware if perfection paralysis is stopping you.


3. Take one small step toward your goal.  Even if it means that you simply put your running shoes on and wear them for the day.  As you do, you're creating a new neural pathway to the brain.  After you've mastered this new habit of wearing running shoes, you'll take the next step of actually running.  This step building actually creates new pathways, sending messages to the brain.   Before you know it you'll go from, "I wear running shoes." to "I am a runner." 


4. Notice other times when you've been able to complete a similar task.  Allow yourself to be motivated by the relief and excitement of completion.


5. Make a list of what you are saying NO to and what you are saying YES to.  For me, saying YES to this newsletter means saying NO to being stuck with fear. Saying YES  to sending it out means YES to new opportunities of growth for my highly motivated clients!  YES to living my purpose, YES to living my dream, YES to seeing others live enriched lives! 

The Healthy Stress of Intimacy

Each month I delay a little longer in sending out my newsletter.  I can procrastinate with the best of them.  All through my studies in college, I noticed myself putting off assignments and projects until the last minute.  I could see the method in my madness, but I didn't know that there was actual science to support what I knew was true for me.  I was recently introduced to the work of Dr. John Ratey, author of Spark; The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain.  In his book, Dr. Ratey discusses the release of epinephrine in the brain when we experience stress.  The brain perceived all of the following situations as stress; social/emotional challenges, job-related stress, exercise, healthy intercourse, AND the stress of waiting until the last minute to complete a task.  The flight of fight response of the amygdala ("reptilian brain") is triggered.  The fight of flight response of the amygdala served us, and even saved our lives when we, as a species, were being threatened by dangerous animals.  Now, our bodies still prepare for the fight or flight when we experience stress.  In preparing our bodies for that response, the epinephrine and the triggering of the amygdala support the brain to make quick decisions, think on our feet and have a more clear focus.  After reading the science behind it, my procrastination made much more sense to me.  As I suspected, in waiting until the last minute, I was able to complete the task and feel relatively clear about my direction and concentrated focus.  However, had I created healthy stress along the way through exercise and/or healthy intercourse, I could have avoided the pain produced by the procrastination.   If you or someone you know is addicted to the unhealthy stress, know that it is not the stress that you seek, but instead the rush of epinephrine.  Try producing that same rush through healthy sex or exercise and see what kind of results you get in your ability to complete tasks.  Share your comments and results here!  I love to hear what it looks like in your life! 

Wring Out 2012! Ring in 2013

This New Year's Eve, make a list of all of the things that held you back in 2012.  Just as you would wring out a sponge, so that it will have the capacity to hold MORE, allow yourself to purge all that kept you from your dreams in 2012.  Release it.  Write it out, dig a hole in your back yard and scream your list into the ground and then burry it.  Leave it there, literally and figuratively.  Recognize that you are no longer in need of your self doubt.  Release the self-imposed limitations!  I have them, you have them, we all have them.  Some are as simple as, "I do not have time to invest in a hobby".   Notice the chatter holding you back from taking the next step toward your dreams. Today, let yourself empty the chatter, so that you can fill your mind with thoughts of your dreams!  You wouldn't host a party without first having a thought about having friends over.  If you entertain the thought that no one would attend you wouldn't bother going through the necessary steps to make it happen; creating a guest list, sending it out, purchasing supplies and preparing for their arrival.  The same applies to your dreams!  Hold the thought.  Clear your mind of the limiting beliefs that have held you back.

Run Free

"I am doing it!  I am not a runner and I am running! Whoo hoo!"  The woman at the bus stop must have thought I was crazy as I ran past her yelling with excitement.  It was the first time I had run in years!  I could not believe that I was doing it.  I could not believe the feeling of euphoria that came over me as I felt my body willingly take one step at a time.   The running felt so good that I got up early the next morning to run again.  As I started out, I could feel myself holding back.  It made me curious, what was I holding back for?  As soon as I asked the question, my head flooded with answers; "Hold back, so you can last the length of the run.  Hold back, so you do not get yourself worn out.  Hold back, because you cannot keep this pace up."  As soon as those thoughts crossed my mind, I knew what I had to do.  I told my body that I would listen to it and that I didn't need to listen to the chatter of self-doubt that was being created in my head.  I promised my body that I would stop, slow down or allow a walking break if needed.  With that permission, I opened myself up to let the lead out!  That day, I took 4 minutes off of my 2 mile run.  This experience made me want to become aware of other areas where I had been holding myself back.  Today, I declare, I am no longer willing to hold myself back!  Where are you currently holding yourself back?  What does it look like for you to trust yourself and run free?