Divorcing Fear

Tools to separate yourself from fear: 

1. Become clear about the intentions of the action.  What you are motivated by?  If you are motivated by anything other than your truest values, you will feel it and others will too!

2. Over analysis causes paralysis.  Having a completed product is better than having no product at all.  Become aware if perfection paralysis is stopping you.


3. Take one small step toward your goal.  Even if it means that you simply put your running shoes on and wear them for the day.  As you do, you're creating a new neural pathway to the brain.  After you've mastered this new habit of wearing running shoes, you'll take the next step of actually running.  This step building actually creates new pathways, sending messages to the brain.   Before you know it you'll go from, "I wear running shoes." to "I am a runner." 


4. Notice other times when you've been able to complete a similar task.  Allow yourself to be motivated by the relief and excitement of completion.


5. Make a list of what you are saying NO to and what you are saying YES to.  For me, saying YES to this newsletter means saying NO to being stuck with fear. Saying YES  to sending it out means YES to new opportunities of growth for my highly motivated clients!  YES to living my purpose, YES to living my dream, YES to seeing others live enriched lives! 

Is your GPS lying to you?

Recently, while on a run, I noticed that the GPS on my running application was not working.  How do I know it wasn't working?  My running app talks to me, giving me stats on my run, "Time: 5 minutes.  Distance 0.5 miles.  Average pace: 10 min/mile."  On this particular day, my app said, "Time: 60 minutes.  Distance 0.0 miles.  Average pace: 0.0 min/mile."  I heard that and got a little grumpy, as if i could argue or blame the voice that was telling me a lie.  The truth is, I KNEW I had run farther than 0.0 miles.  I had been running for 60 minutes.  Clearly, my running application was not giving me accurate information.   

This experience made me start wondering, where else do I tune into inaccurate information, but expect it to guide me?  Do I do this with friends?  Family?  My mother?  Oh, goodness, my mother!  How often do I turn to outside sources, asking for feedback, guidance, support, and some sort of validation for how far I've come?  The truth is, NO ONE knows how far I've traveled better than I do.  Here are a few tips on how to tune into your own wisdom and stop the madness of listening to trusted devices that may be giving you inaccurate information:

1. If the information you are receiving leaves you feeling negative emotion ask yourself, is there truth in what I am hearing, or is this an inaccurate reading coming from what I have been expecting to be a trusted device? 

2. Remove the temptation to take words personally, even if they feel rather pointed.  This allows you to be open and receptive, without becoming defensive.  When you're open and receptive, you can better hear the constructive criticism, without becoming emotionally charged by it and therefore dismissing the gifts that may reside in the support being shared. 

3. SAY, THANK YOU!  "Thank you for your feedback, I'll sit with it and use this information if I see it fitting." 

3. Flip it!  If the words leave you feeling heavy or negative emotion, ask yourself, "What is it that I am to take from this situation?  Is there a chance that what is being shared has truth to it?  What can I do to get closer to the image that I have for myself?" 

4. Let it slide.  As I ran that morning, my initial knee jerk reaction was to get upset and blame my gps for being wrong.  Once I realized that it wasn't an attack on me or my running ability, but instead a simple error, I was able to let it slide and move on, without another thought to the discomfort of anger and blame.  

Make a list of  "Trusted Devices" that you listen to.  Make a list of ways you're supporting yourself to listen to your own internal GPS.  Notice which trusted divides work best for you. 

 

Oh well, that is just the way I am....

"I cannot help it, that is just the way I am."  Either you've said it yourself, or you've heard someone else say it.  It is usually an attempt to justify a behavior such as a sharp tongue or blunt personality.  YES, each of us has a different personality AND each of us has a unique opportunity to grow.  For some, our growth is in allowing ourselves to be still and do less.  For others the growth is pushing ourselves to do more and take risks in allowing our voices to be heard.  What is your go to excuse?  What do you notice you telling yourself or others, "Oh, that is just the way I am..."  What is mine?  I find myself over and over making the excuse that I cannot get enough sleep.  The truth is, I CAN get sleep.  I choose to stay up late, usually doing nothing that is requiring my immediate attention.  I find myself making excuses, "But I just want some down time from the children."  How much more down could sleeping be?  Seriously?  Digging our heals in and declaring that we cannot change is a way of avoiding the discomfort of doing something new.  Notice the discomfort and know that it is speaking to you, calling you to attend to an area you would otherwise avoid.  Sit with the challenge.  The pain of avoiding is often far greater than the space of discomfort.  In that discomfort is your growth, your opportunity to see a different perspective, your opportunity to release the pain of avoiding.  I believe in you.  I believe in your ability to get through the growing pains and move to the other side, experiencing the benefits of your fresh outlook and freedom.

Fear; The Indicator of Growth

A lot of exciting things are happening with Stellar Evolution Coaching!  I am noticing that as the business evolves, my fears are having the opportunity to be tested.  The coolest part of the process of growth is that the fears are usually NEVER as big in reality as they are in my mind.  Do you have the same experience?    Sometimes I even notice my fears holding me back.  As I was running last week, I could feel myself holding back with the thought, "I have to hold back, I don't want to over do it.  What if I can't keep this momentum?  What if I run out of breath?  What if I collapse in exhaustion?"  The reality is, what if any one of those fears did actually come to fruition?  The truth is, if I feel out of breath, overwhelmed, or exhausted, I will automatically slow down.  My body knows what I need and I trust that I am not going to allow myself to collapse in exhaustion from a light jog.  The key word?  Trust.  If fear is showing up, it is an indication that growth is around the corner.  Growing pains mean that we are about to graduate to a new level.  Remember that feeling of graduating from school?  We were scared, excited and nervous about what the real world would be like?  And then once we entered into that next phase, we found new things to love about it.  Allow fear to be an indicator for you that you are on the path to new growth.  

Want support moving through the fear of the next step? Schedule your complimentary consultation.  

The Healthy Stress of Intimacy

Each month I delay a little longer in sending out my newsletter.  I can procrastinate with the best of them.  All through my studies in college, I noticed myself putting off assignments and projects until the last minute.  I could see the method in my madness, but I didn't know that there was actual science to support what I knew was true for me.  I was recently introduced to the work of Dr. John Ratey, author of Spark; The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain.  In his book, Dr. Ratey discusses the release of epinephrine in the brain when we experience stress.  The brain perceived all of the following situations as stress; social/emotional challenges, job-related stress, exercise, healthy intercourse, AND the stress of waiting until the last minute to complete a task.  The flight of fight response of the amygdala ("reptilian brain") is triggered.  The fight of flight response of the amygdala served us, and even saved our lives when we, as a species, were being threatened by dangerous animals.  Now, our bodies still prepare for the fight or flight when we experience stress.  In preparing our bodies for that response, the epinephrine and the triggering of the amygdala support the brain to make quick decisions, think on our feet and have a more clear focus.  After reading the science behind it, my procrastination made much more sense to me.  As I suspected, in waiting until the last minute, I was able to complete the task and feel relatively clear about my direction and concentrated focus.  However, had I created healthy stress along the way through exercise and/or healthy intercourse, I could have avoided the pain produced by the procrastination.   If you or someone you know is addicted to the unhealthy stress, know that it is not the stress that you seek, but instead the rush of epinephrine.  Try producing that same rush through healthy sex or exercise and see what kind of results you get in your ability to complete tasks.  Share your comments and results here!  I love to hear what it looks like in your life! 

5 Steps to Come ALIVE with Radiance

COME ALIVE with radiance, joy and passion! 

1. BE curious!  
    
 ~ Allow yourself to be open to the opportunities that are flowing your way!  What does it look like to be curious?  Sometimes it is as simple as noticing that you have a vision of how things should be.  When that awareness creeps in, when you notice yourself feeling attached to an outcome, turn up the curiosity.  Allow yourself to question, is there more here for me to experience?  Is there a different way to see this?  Could I experience a different turn out than what is expected?  Is there another way to achieve the goal?

2. Claim what you LOVE about Life!

    List 5 things that you LOVE about your life! Claim it, own it! What are you loving about
    your life?  Feel yourself connect to that love of life, as it is in this moment.  Gratitude is
    synonymous for happiness.  

3. Say, "YES!"  

    Yes to receiving; gifts and compliments. When someone offers you a compliment, it is ok
    to say, "Yes, I do look good today.  Yes, I will accept that invitation for a coffee. Yes, I will
    receive support.  Yes, I like these earrings, as well."

4. Give to Yourself ~ 
    
    Give yourself something special; a bubble bath, a coffee break, luxurious night's sleep, a
    bouquet of flowers.  Take the time to do something special for YOU!  

5.  Listen to the whispers that are calling you to be the best version of yourself. 

     What is calling you to attend?  What do you KNOW that if you started doing it today,
     your quality of life would improve?  Drink more water?  Earlier bedtime?  Listen to your
     whispers. 
  

Wring Out 2012! Ring in 2013

This New Year's Eve, make a list of all of the things that held you back in 2012.  Just as you would wring out a sponge, so that it will have the capacity to hold MORE, allow yourself to purge all that kept you from your dreams in 2012.  Release it.  Write it out, dig a hole in your back yard and scream your list into the ground and then burry it.  Leave it there, literally and figuratively.  Recognize that you are no longer in need of your self doubt.  Release the self-imposed limitations!  I have them, you have them, we all have them.  Some are as simple as, "I do not have time to invest in a hobby".   Notice the chatter holding you back from taking the next step toward your dreams. Today, let yourself empty the chatter, so that you can fill your mind with thoughts of your dreams!  You wouldn't host a party without first having a thought about having friends over.  If you entertain the thought that no one would attend you wouldn't bother going through the necessary steps to make it happen; creating a guest list, sending it out, purchasing supplies and preparing for their arrival.  The same applies to your dreams!  Hold the thought.  Clear your mind of the limiting beliefs that have held you back.