Confessions of Motherhood

I have a confession to make.  Last year, all I wanted for Mother's Day was a BREAK from being "Mom".
I realize that there will be a time when I read that statement and realize that I was missing the joy of parenting and I would agree.  At that time, I was TOTALLY missing the joy of mothering!  In fact, I was looking to escape parenting at any (nearly every) opportunity I could.  This year, I am looking forward to Mother's Day and special time with my family.  What makes this year different? There are several factors involved, the greatest one being that I have reconnected with the passion within me that exists beyond mothering.  Parenting is WONDERFUL.  It is rewarding.  It can be fun.  It is invigorating at times.  AND, I have passions, desires, longings that go beyond what mothering can provide.  I've noticed that the more I take time out for myself, to fuel my soul with my passions, the more I connect with the joys of being a mom.  Somewhere along the way of becoming a parent I adopted the belief that I had to GIVE UP to be the kind of parent I want to be.  That didn't work very well.  In fact, it created resentment and anger.  I now realize that I do not have to give up, but instead redefine and discover what it means to integrate all aspects of who I am into my life.  I am a successfully growing entrepreneur. I am a loving, patient and present mother.  I'm learning to get out of the way of my self-imposed limiting beliefs move toward the bigger picture of having it all!  I hold that same belief for you!  What self-imposed limitation are you ready to release so that you can more fully embrace the ease and joy of what awaits you? 

Flowing Toward Ease

As I was on my way to pick up my daughter from school yesterday, construction required that I change lanes.  As the arrow is blinking at me to get over, I activated my turning signal, indicating that I'd like to be let into the traffic in the next lane.  Although there was enough space for the car behind me to let me in, the driver didn't notice me and continued on.  In an instant I felt frustrated and dismissed.  I may have even spoken a few expletives in my head.  If I am ONLY paying attention to what I am doing, to what MY car is doing, I run the risk of being injured in a car accident.  If I drop all of my attention from myself and place it only on those around me, I still run the risk a crash.

How does this focus play a role in my life?  When I leave myself out of the equation of where my energy goes, I notice a personal downward spiral.  You may as well throw playfulness out the window.  Present and patient?  No way!  I am quick to snap, judge and be angry.  When I lose sight of personal awareness, I feel reckless, just as I would in a car.  However, the opposite extreme of ONLY focusing on myself does not feel good either.  It feels out of alignment.  Do know the feeling when you're car is out of alignment?  I know that feeling all too well.  Recently after hitting a drain, I knocked my car out of alignment.  It felt scary, reckless and out of control.  It made me cry out for help, insisting that I look to others for support, guidance and repair.  You see, I do not have to be an island.  I do not have to do it all on my own.  Somewhere in my life I adopted the idea that I had to be in charge, or else things wouldn't get done.  As I diffuse that story, I notice the ease that comes with delegating, releasing control and allowing the flow of trusting.  Just as the safest place to be in traffic is aware and flowing with what is happening, I allow that same flow in my day.  I trust myself in knowing what to do next, when to call for help and when to let go.  I let go, not because I have to, but instead because I do not wish for the craziness of thinking that I have to do it all.

What can you let go of today?  How can you shift your focus to bring you greater balance, ease, joy and flow?

Divorcing Fear

Tools to separate yourself from fear: 

1. Become clear about the intentions of the action.  What you are motivated by?  If you are motivated by anything other than your truest values, you will feel it and others will too!

2. Over analysis causes paralysis.  Having a completed product is better than having no product at all.  Become aware if perfection paralysis is stopping you.


3. Take one small step toward your goal.  Even if it means that you simply put your running shoes on and wear them for the day.  As you do, you're creating a new neural pathway to the brain.  After you've mastered this new habit of wearing running shoes, you'll take the next step of actually running.  This step building actually creates new pathways, sending messages to the brain.   Before you know it you'll go from, "I wear running shoes." to "I am a runner." 


4. Notice other times when you've been able to complete a similar task.  Allow yourself to be motivated by the relief and excitement of completion.


5. Make a list of what you are saying NO to and what you are saying YES to.  For me, saying YES to this newsletter means saying NO to being stuck with fear. Saying YES  to sending it out means YES to new opportunities of growth for my highly motivated clients!  YES to living my purpose, YES to living my dream, YES to seeing others live enriched lives! 

Is your GPS lying to you?

Recently, while on a run, I noticed that the GPS on my running application was not working.  How do I know it wasn't working?  My running app talks to me, giving me stats on my run, "Time: 5 minutes.  Distance 0.5 miles.  Average pace: 10 min/mile."  On this particular day, my app said, "Time: 60 minutes.  Distance 0.0 miles.  Average pace: 0.0 min/mile."  I heard that and got a little grumpy, as if i could argue or blame the voice that was telling me a lie.  The truth is, I KNEW I had run farther than 0.0 miles.  I had been running for 60 minutes.  Clearly, my running application was not giving me accurate information.   

This experience made me start wondering, where else do I tune into inaccurate information, but expect it to guide me?  Do I do this with friends?  Family?  My mother?  Oh, goodness, my mother!  How often do I turn to outside sources, asking for feedback, guidance, support, and some sort of validation for how far I've come?  The truth is, NO ONE knows how far I've traveled better than I do.  Here are a few tips on how to tune into your own wisdom and stop the madness of listening to trusted devices that may be giving you inaccurate information:

1. If the information you are receiving leaves you feeling negative emotion ask yourself, is there truth in what I am hearing, or is this an inaccurate reading coming from what I have been expecting to be a trusted device? 

2. Remove the temptation to take words personally, even if they feel rather pointed.  This allows you to be open and receptive, without becoming defensive.  When you're open and receptive, you can better hear the constructive criticism, without becoming emotionally charged by it and therefore dismissing the gifts that may reside in the support being shared. 

3. SAY, THANK YOU!  "Thank you for your feedback, I'll sit with it and use this information if I see it fitting." 

3. Flip it!  If the words leave you feeling heavy or negative emotion, ask yourself, "What is it that I am to take from this situation?  Is there a chance that what is being shared has truth to it?  What can I do to get closer to the image that I have for myself?" 

4. Let it slide.  As I ran that morning, my initial knee jerk reaction was to get upset and blame my gps for being wrong.  Once I realized that it wasn't an attack on me or my running ability, but instead a simple error, I was able to let it slide and move on, without another thought to the discomfort of anger and blame.  

Make a list of  "Trusted Devices" that you listen to.  Make a list of ways you're supporting yourself to listen to your own internal GPS.  Notice which trusted divides work best for you. 

 

Oh well, that is just the way I am....

"I cannot help it, that is just the way I am."  Either you've said it yourself, or you've heard someone else say it.  It is usually an attempt to justify a behavior such as a sharp tongue or blunt personality.  YES, each of us has a different personality AND each of us has a unique opportunity to grow.  For some, our growth is in allowing ourselves to be still and do less.  For others the growth is pushing ourselves to do more and take risks in allowing our voices to be heard.  What is your go to excuse?  What do you notice you telling yourself or others, "Oh, that is just the way I am..."  What is mine?  I find myself over and over making the excuse that I cannot get enough sleep.  The truth is, I CAN get sleep.  I choose to stay up late, usually doing nothing that is requiring my immediate attention.  I find myself making excuses, "But I just want some down time from the children."  How much more down could sleeping be?  Seriously?  Digging our heals in and declaring that we cannot change is a way of avoiding the discomfort of doing something new.  Notice the discomfort and know that it is speaking to you, calling you to attend to an area you would otherwise avoid.  Sit with the challenge.  The pain of avoiding is often far greater than the space of discomfort.  In that discomfort is your growth, your opportunity to see a different perspective, your opportunity to release the pain of avoiding.  I believe in you.  I believe in your ability to get through the growing pains and move to the other side, experiencing the benefits of your fresh outlook and freedom.

Fear; The Indicator of Growth

A lot of exciting things are happening with Stellar Evolution Coaching!  I am noticing that as the business evolves, my fears are having the opportunity to be tested.  The coolest part of the process of growth is that the fears are usually NEVER as big in reality as they are in my mind.  Do you have the same experience?    Sometimes I even notice my fears holding me back.  As I was running last week, I could feel myself holding back with the thought, "I have to hold back, I don't want to over do it.  What if I can't keep this momentum?  What if I run out of breath?  What if I collapse in exhaustion?"  The reality is, what if any one of those fears did actually come to fruition?  The truth is, if I feel out of breath, overwhelmed, or exhausted, I will automatically slow down.  My body knows what I need and I trust that I am not going to allow myself to collapse in exhaustion from a light jog.  The key word?  Trust.  If fear is showing up, it is an indication that growth is around the corner.  Growing pains mean that we are about to graduate to a new level.  Remember that feeling of graduating from school?  We were scared, excited and nervous about what the real world would be like?  And then once we entered into that next phase, we found new things to love about it.  Allow fear to be an indicator for you that you are on the path to new growth.  

Want support moving through the fear of the next step? Schedule your complimentary consultation.  

The Healthy Stress of Intimacy

Each month I delay a little longer in sending out my newsletter.  I can procrastinate with the best of them.  All through my studies in college, I noticed myself putting off assignments and projects until the last minute.  I could see the method in my madness, but I didn't know that there was actual science to support what I knew was true for me.  I was recently introduced to the work of Dr. John Ratey, author of Spark; The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain.  In his book, Dr. Ratey discusses the release of epinephrine in the brain when we experience stress.  The brain perceived all of the following situations as stress; social/emotional challenges, job-related stress, exercise, healthy intercourse, AND the stress of waiting until the last minute to complete a task.  The flight of fight response of the amygdala ("reptilian brain") is triggered.  The fight of flight response of the amygdala served us, and even saved our lives when we, as a species, were being threatened by dangerous animals.  Now, our bodies still prepare for the fight or flight when we experience stress.  In preparing our bodies for that response, the epinephrine and the triggering of the amygdala support the brain to make quick decisions, think on our feet and have a more clear focus.  After reading the science behind it, my procrastination made much more sense to me.  As I suspected, in waiting until the last minute, I was able to complete the task and feel relatively clear about my direction and concentrated focus.  However, had I created healthy stress along the way through exercise and/or healthy intercourse, I could have avoided the pain produced by the procrastination.   If you or someone you know is addicted to the unhealthy stress, know that it is not the stress that you seek, but instead the rush of epinephrine.  Try producing that same rush through healthy sex or exercise and see what kind of results you get in your ability to complete tasks.  Share your comments and results here!  I love to hear what it looks like in your life!