Who Are You Showing Up As?

I recently found myself in a situation where it was pointed out to me that I was not acting like myself. My husband and I were playing a game with friends. When a bold move by a friend left me nearly knocked out of the game I started to feel rather angry, defensive and my behavior showed it. My husband gently reminded me, "honey, it is only a game." Even with the reminder, I found it difficult to calm myself down. I tried to talk myself down, "Star, what is going on with you? What is this all about?" I was feeling like a victim - "They are doing this TO me!" How does being victim serve me? It makes me right and them wrong. WOW, was it all about ego and wanting to be right about how the game "should" be played. I embarrassed to say that it took me much longer than I would have liked to calm myself down from this state. Even after the laughing and fun were breathed back into the game, I continued to internalize my behavior. This time it wasn't about others, it was about me and how I reacted. The bottom line; I felt terrible not feeling connected to who I know myself to be, a fun loving, playful, uncontainable free spirit. I was so far removed from that part of myself that it took awhile to get back to and even then, I continued to play the scenario over in my head, well into bedtime. Where does victim fit in being a fun loving, playful, uncontainable free spirit? It doesn't.