I spent DECADES on/off anti-depressants, with feelings of being "broken", weight and body image issues and a DEEP pain from feeling like no matter what I achieved, it would NEVER be enough to overcome my internal pain, shame, and negative self-chatter. I spent my teen years thinking that I would never fit in. I HATED being different, and in fact, I shamed the one thing that now saves me, my uniqueness -- my inner and outer radiance.
My name is Star, this is the name I was given at birth. Growing up, I remember wanting to be named after Cyndi Brady of the Brady Bunch. I wanted anything that felt normal. My desire to fit in would take on many different forms: over-achiever, making unhealthy choices to be liked by others, and ultimately letting go of small pieces of myself, so that I wouldn't let someone else down. I was willing to do almost anything to be loved by others. That led to shame, blame, and seriously negative self-talk.
Through it all, I thought something was WRONG with me -- my genetic makeup, brain chemistry, learning style, family background, and I could keep going with the list. What I know now is that NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME. In fact, EVERYTHING is RIGHT with me, when I learn to LOVE myself and the gifts I have come here to share. I say the same thing to you, "THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!" The only thing wrong is the fact that you are having such powerfully strong feelings of negative self-talk. That mind chatter debilitates your SHINE and limits your ability to achieve true success.
Now that life of pain feels like a distant memory, but it DOES fuel me to support YOU to move from that space and wake up to a LOVE affair with YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE! I am deeply passionate about supporting women and teenage girls to fully EMBRACE their radiance and release the pain of playing it down. I played it down for decades - OUCH! I tried MANY successful and UNSUCCESSFUL strategies. Are you feeling like you may be struggling from negative self-talk, self-doubt, fear, shame, and blame? Below are a few things you can do to leave that behind and create a reality you LOVE!
1. LOVE, value, and APPRECIATE yourself.
This starts with self-care, clear boundaries, and at times, making your needs a priority.
2. Take in feedback from others without letting it dictate YOUR choices.
Feedback from others, especially from those you trust, is REALLY important. If you're anything like me, up until now, you've allowed that feedback to heavily influence your choices, only to leave you blaming them when it didn't work out. It also means that you learn to trust others more than you trust yourself.
3. Establish HEALTHY, supportive, and THRIVING relationships with loving people.
"A rising tide raises all ships." If you want your life to start changing, it will be important for you to be around people who are wiling to rise and bring you with them. Studies show that if Sally is a smoker, then friends of Sally's are MUCH more likely to smoke than someone who is friends of a non-smoker.
4. Clarify what you want.
Allow yourself to quiet the outside chatter enough to get clear about what YOU want. You can do this through mediation, dance, quietly listening to music, yoga, journal (20 min suggested), and healthy exercise, to name a few. Clearing the mind with these tools will help you to create a space to be able to discern between your voice and the pressure of the outside voices (which you may be internalizing).
5. Take Personal Responsibility for you Actions.
Allow yourself to set baby goals and start sticking to them! Start off slow, one goal/week. Let yourself experience the success of SMALL steps! Take ACTION and be responsible for your results! Take a "no excuses" kind of approach.
6. Release the responsibility you feel for what others experience.
You're a people-pleaser and you do not want to let anyone else down. In the process of pleasing others, you often let yourself down. In doing so, you allow room for silent resentment, anger, and feelings of unworthiness. Know that you are not responsible for what someone else experiences.
7. Make decisions that resonate with YOUR values.
Decisions are difficult for you to make and you'd prefer not to make them at all. In fact, making a decision when it involves the welfare of others creates great anxiety for you. Making choices on behalf of someone else feels too overwhelming for you, because you take on the responsibility for the happiness of others.
8. Remember, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!
The situation STINKS, you do not! There are circumstances in life that bring us down, that does not mean that we have to stay down! NO!! Connect with the truth, that you are AMAZING! You have unique gifts to share and an inner radiance that is unlike anyone else.
Through it all, keep looking up, not behind you or below you. Make a point of setting your eyes on someone who has already achieved this happiness and model what they are doing, spend time with them, and get clear about what you'd like to be experiencing. I BELIEVE in you, because I watch clients JUST LIKE YOU move through their own stuff with grace, ease, and tremendous appreciation for the co-creative process.
