Wring Out 2012! Ring in 2013

This New Year's Eve, make a list of all of the things that held you back in 2012.  Just as you would wring out a sponge, so that it will have the capacity to hold MORE, allow yourself to purge all that kept you from your dreams in 2012.  Release it.  Write it out, dig a hole in your back yard and scream your list into the ground and then burry it.  Leave it there, literally and figuratively.  Recognize that you are no longer in need of your self doubt.  Release the self-imposed limitations!  I have them, you have them, we all have them.  Some are as simple as, "I do not have time to invest in a hobby".   Notice the chatter holding you back from taking the next step toward your dreams. Today, let yourself empty the chatter, so that you can fill your mind with thoughts of your dreams!  You wouldn't host a party without first having a thought about having friends over.  If you entertain the thought that no one would attend you wouldn't bother going through the necessary steps to make it happen; creating a guest list, sending it out, purchasing supplies and preparing for their arrival.  The same applies to your dreams!  Hold the thought.  Clear your mind of the limiting beliefs that have held you back.

Live On Forever

I think we can all agree that the world needs more love, compassion and radiance.  Without it, we starve ourselves by hoarding and seeing one another as competitors.  What legacy are you ready to leave the world with? What imprint are you leaving behind when you go?

Get Your Shine On!

What makes you shine during the Holiday Season?  Whether you celebrate the holidays or not, we could all use a little magic of this time of year.  What is the magic you ask? Too often it takes deprivation, devastation, or a natural disaster for us to rally together, work in collaboration for the common good.  Disconnect from one another brings about feelings of depression and stress.  We need one another and collectively, we function at a higher level when we work together.  The magic of the holidays is about coming together and feeling connected to one another.  Want to feel the buzz of the holidays?  Here is a list of ways you can put your SHINE on:

Invite friends over for a night of games
Volunteer with an organization that serves others
Donate food and essential items to a shelter
Commit random acts of kindness
Shovel snow for a neighbor
Write a letter to a friend or family member
Register for a class or book study
Host a dance party for friends
Take a meal to a family in need
Join an indoor sports league
Call a friend to share how much they mean to you
Join a choir or music group

What are other ways that you are able to feel connected to those around you?

No! Not the Unsolicited Advice!

There is a time for sharing advice and there is a time to close your mouth and open your ears.  How do I know this?  I find myself in the trap of offering unsolicited advice.  In fact, sharing unsolicited advice can not only hurt you, it can delay the growth and progress of your closest loved ones, the ones you intend to support.  When you believe in the gifts of others, the significance of their journey, in who they are, you refrain from giving the advice that they have not asked for.  When you allow yourself to simply be present with them and listen, you allow them to experience their journey, to shine, to learn the lessons that are for them to experience.  WAKE up to the hero that resides in you, trusting that the same hero resides within your loved one.  When you are present and listening, you demonstrate a belief in others and an appreciation for who they are, exactly as they are.  Release the desire to save, fix or rescue them, recognizing the truth that he is the one who has the power to change the situation he finds herself in.  Zip it when you feel inclined to interject or share unsolicited advice.  Choose to no longer undermine who he  is and the powerful wisdom he has to arrive at the answers that are right for him. Unsolicited advice can make us feel incompetent.  Zip the lip. Learn to listen.  Ask questions and remain curious.  Let go of the idea that you have anyone's answers but your own.  The truth that I live by is that YOU are the only one who has your answers.  Remain available should others find themselves in need of support to discover those internal answers.  Ask for permission, "Can I share what has helped me in a similar situation?"  Liberate yourself from feeling like you have to rescue anyone other than yourself.  YOU are your greatest hero.  Gift others with the opportunity to discover the hero within.  Perhaps somewhere in the listening, you'll discover something in the moment that is profound for you.

Take Time to Connect

Studies show that isolating animals, produces significant stress.  We see the same results for our species.  We even use isolation as a form of punishment.  This holiday season, as our stressors can be at an all time high, make a point to reach out to others for a sense of connection.  Here is a list of ways you can reach out for connection: 

1. Invite a group of friends to go Carolling at a local nursing home
2. Attend a Holiday Concert
3. Plan a potluck with friends/family
4. Buy a stranger a cup of coffee
5. Committ to doing a Random Act of Kindness 1x/week (or more)
6. Volunteer at a local shelter
7. Do yardwork for your neighbor
8. Take a meal to a family in need
9. Choose to perform a random act of compassion
10. write a letter to someone 
11. Call a friend to share how much they mean to you 
12. Invite friends over for a dance party
13. Invite family/friends to play games
14. Join an indoor sports league 
15. Register to take a class/book study

Share with me! Let me know how you connect with others and the benefits you receive from reaching out to others. Join the conversation on Twitter with #StellarConnection 

The Benefits of Risk Taking

Have you ever found yourself at the edge of a decision, uncertain of what would be in store for you around the corner?  When I started Watch Me Grow Radio, I was clear about one thing, it was NOT about growing a business, it was from the beginning and still is about growing ME! In the meantime, it is blessing more than 21,000 listeners who have tuned in!  The experience has been nothing short of amazing!  I get to have a weekly one-on-one with talented, internationally known and incredibly wise guests.  It has changed my life in many ways.  Here are a few lessons I've learned from jumping off of the edge of fear:   Bold Courage!  When we take the risk to try something new, we increase the likelihood that we'll continue trying new things.   Increased Opportunity!  As you continue to step outside of your comfort zone, you open yourself up to new opportunities, new possibilities and new ways to solve problems. Greater opportunity for a best possible solution!  As you continue to release the fear and allow yourself to take risks, you open up to a variety of solutions.  By expanding the number of solutions, you increase your chances of finding the one that will work best for you!  Increased Creativity!  Risk taking helps you to feel confident to explore the hidden talents that you otherwise might overlook or keep to yourself.  The more you exercise these skills, the more you fine tune them, which leads to greater results Risk Motivates!  When you invest in yourself, with your time, money and resources, you increase your desire for success. New Awareness/Reality!  When you take risks and kick fear to the curb, you create a new reality in your head.  You let go of the notion that you cannot do it.  By moving through the space of fear gives you the reality check you needed to see that he fear you create in your head is much worse than the truth of reality!   As you kick down the door of fear/doubt, you welcome a new reality; a reality of belief in yourself.  A reality that YOU CAN DO THIS!  As you prove to yourself that you can more beyond this fear, you become a living inspiration to others!   I don't know of a single successful person who was unable to take risks.  Let yourself soar, take that risk that you've been avoiding!

Face to Face with Excuses

During my most recent radio show with Martha Creek, I felt myself squirming in my seat as I came face to face with my excuses.  Yes!  I have excuses too!  In fact, even as I type this, I can feel the squirming again.  It brings me to this thought; When I come face to face with my excuses, I am left with a choice. Do I continue to feed the excuse or do I move beyond it with clarity, courage and determination?  Below are some steps to support you to not only come face to face with your excuse, but to move beyond it, so that you can experience the calm that comes from releasing it! 

• Discern the Truth.  If whatever you are telling yourself in your head keeps you from doing, living and feeling free to choose, it is an excuse.  
• See it for what it is, an excuse! Notice where it limits you:  Become clear that it IS limiting you.  It is limiting what you do, how you show up in the world and who you surround yourself with. 
• Feel the sensation of releasing it, as you break free from the excuse.  Allow yourself a moment to think about the why/how you are unable to be doing what you want.  Now take a deep breath and allow yourself to experience what it would feel like to be free of that thought.  What would it feel like in your body to be free of the barrier that your excuse provides for you?  Become aware of what it would feel like to break free from the limiting chatter that surrounds your excuse.
•  Take the step to Move Beyond It! Make a list of ways you've already overcome other excuses.  List times you surprised yourself with doing a little extra here and there.  Make a list of ways you can support yourself to take the next step.  AND then, JUST DO IT!  Take the step, surprise yourself!  

Itty Bitty Sh!#y Committee

Spoiler alert!  My Itty Bitty Sh!#y Committee was activated!  You know the one; the voices that start feeding you full of negativity.  I lost my purse and included in it's contents were credit cards, house key, car keys, and my cell phone.  The thought of someone having my ID, keys to my home and credit cards made my stomach drop and a lump form in my throat.  And then I told myself that it would all work out. I didn't give up.  I was actively working on the return of the contents while consciously choosing to bring my mind back to the possibility of it's return.  I would't surrender to the doubt and fear.  I appreciate that I get to practice what I preach.  Jill Bolte Taylor, author of My Stroke of Insight talks about the left hemisphere in the brain and how it relates to the negative story in the mind.  She writes, "In my opinion, making the decision that internal verbal abuse is not acceptable behavior, is the first step toward finding deep inner peace."   What kinds of events make your Itty Bitty Sh!#y Committee active?  What best supports you to quiet it when it starts?  If your committee is overactive, you have the right to choose to deactivate it!  You can choose to quiet it, tune into a different frequency, allow your mind to open up to experience your situation in a different way!  This takes practice.  Just as you wouldn't expect your newly walking toddler to walk up Mt. Everst, gift yourself with the same grace and patience.  Exercise the part of your brain that is seeking to tune into a different frequency.  Practice, practice, practice and notice your Itty Bitty Sh!#y Committee getting quieter!

Run Free

"I am doing it!  I am not a runner and I am running! Whoo hoo!"  The woman at the bus stop must have thought I was crazy as I ran past her yelling with excitement.  It was the first time I had run in years!  I could not believe that I was doing it.  I could not believe the feeling of euphoria that came over me as I felt my body willingly take one step at a time.   The running felt so good that I got up early the next morning to run again.  As I started out, I could feel myself holding back.  It made me curious, what was I holding back for?  As soon as I asked the question, my head flooded with answers; "Hold back, so you can last the length of the run.  Hold back, so you do not get yourself worn out.  Hold back, because you cannot keep this pace up."  As soon as those thoughts crossed my mind, I knew what I had to do.  I told my body that I would listen to it and that I didn't need to listen to the chatter of self-doubt that was being created in my head.  I promised my body that I would stop, slow down or allow a walking break if needed.  With that permission, I opened myself up to let the lead out!  That day, I took 4 minutes off of my 2 mile run.  This experience made me want to become aware of other areas where I had been holding myself back.  Today, I declare, I am no longer willing to hold myself back!  Where are you currently holding yourself back?  What does it look like for you to trust yourself and run free?

Manifesting Misconceptions

While studying Life Coaching at Invite Change, I recall snickering through one particular class.  Why snicker?  One simple word, "Probe".  As my classmate and I were studying, "Manifestation", we decided to put it to the test.  What did we choose to manifest?  "Probe".  To be exact, we wanted our lead instructor to use the word at least once in class.  Ok, so maybe not such a huge stretch.  To our amazement, she used that word 5-7 times that day. Each time, we squealed with delight.  Was it magic, did we make that word come from our instructor's mouth?  Well, not quite. What we did do, is bring it to our awareness for the day.  Had we not held the vision for the word probe to be spoken, it would have come and gone and we may have never even noticed.  The word was there and the opportunity for the word to be spoken was always there, whether we held the vision for it or not.  The possibility exists.  It always does.  Know the truth, if you can vision it, it is possible.
Here is a simple equation to support you to give your vision focus and intention.

Intention + Attention = Manifestation

Intention -
What are you seeking from the result of your goal?  If it is a red Ferrari that you are seeking to manifest, be clear about your intention for that vehicle.  Will it bring you a sense of freedom?  A sense of sex appeal, accomplishment, or wealth?  Become clear about what your intention is with your goal.

Attention -
Focus your attention (thoughts and actions) toward what you are seeking.  Release any thoughts that detract from you obtaining your set goal.

Manifestation -
Congratulations, you've turned your vision into reality.

What opportunities are you willing to hold in your consciousness today?  Plant a seed and watch it take sprout.

Blessings in the Chaos

Petra Anderson

Petra Anderson was having an evening with girlfriends when she was shot with several bullets in the Aurora, Colorado shooting.  One of those bullets traveled through Petra's brain and stopped at the back of her skull.  The medical professionals expected massive brain injury from such a devastating bullet path through the brain.  When surgeons went in to clean up the damaged brain tissue, they discovered what is now being called a miracle.  Initially sited as a birth defect, Petra has a canal in her brain formed by a fluid pocket.  We have since learned that the fluid pockets are not as rare as it was first reported.  What is exceptional, is that the bullet entered at the exact point of Petra's fluid pocket.  The bullet then traveled along the canal formed by the fluid and left no damage to brain tissue.  Petra is talking, walking and has been released to undergo rehab for other injuries sustained in the attack.  It is as if Petra Anderson was designed to take this bullet to the brain.  Her brain was designed to receive that exact bullet in that exact location.  If she was built to take this bullet, it leaves me wondering,  what "bullet" were you built to live through?  What heartbreak, accident, trauma, hurt, (insert your painful experience here) were YOU built to live to tell about?  YOU have a purpose.  I have a purpose.   You were born to live through it, not with it.  You are not your experiences.  These experiences are a part of your story, they are not all of your story.  Acknowledge the miracles in your life, the ones that have kept you alive, the ones YOU were designed to live through.  Know that if you find yourself in a space in your mind that feels dark, you are not your darkness.  It is simply a reminder of the strength you have to move beyond it.

One Good Decision After Another

My daughter recently asked me to wear a dress.  I tend to wear frumpy shorts and a overly casual t-shirt.  My three-year old LOVES to wear dresses.  She had been asking me for days.  On this particular day, I agreed and found a dress that I felt comfortable in, put it on and wore it for the day.  The question was swirling in my head, "Why don't I choose to do this more often?"  It feels good to wear dresses.  It feels good to look good.  So, what was holding me back?  That morning I made the decision to wear dresses for the entire month of June.  It is now the middle of July and I am proud to report what happened as a result.  After choosing to wear a dress that day, I then made the decision to wear dresses or skies every day for one month.  Which led me to start looking for dresses in thrift stores and at garage sales, something I otherwise don't do for myself.  I'm the kind who is always looking for someone else, or at the very least, something more practical than nice clothes for me!  I could not stop finding nice dresses, skirts and beautiful shirts to match!  I was looking good and feeling sexy, sassy and ALIVE!  That feeling led me to start running in the mornings.  Wow!  What a difference those runs made.  The running did more than make me appreciate the health of my body, it made me think of other ways I could challenge myself.  It made me want to eat healthy.  It supported me to feel more alive!
Can you think of a time in your life when you made one healthy decision that snowballed into other good choices?  What is one good choice that you will make for yourself today?  Share what the results were of your healthy decision making!

Mid-Year Celebrations

Six months ago we were planning ways to welcome the New Year.  Now, we make preparations to celebrate Independence Day.  May this also be a time for you to reflect on all of the wins that you've had this year.  Allow yourself to notice where you have reclaimed your own freedom; disconnecting from the relationship that wasn't serving you, updating your resume to include your new skills, accepting a promotion, new career move, accepting a marraige proposal, announcing the birth of your first child, celebrating the graduation of your first born, celebrating time with family, time with friends, celebrating LIFE!  What things will make your list of celebration?  How are you exercising your own liberation this year?  May this be a time of celebrating all of the ways that you are stepping more fully into the freedom that comes from being ALIVE with JOY!

Weather: Beyond the Predictions

When I am planning an outdoor activity, I find myself tuning into the weather forecast.  Recently, the meteorologist predicted heavy storms for "most of the day".  When I woke, there were clouds, but no sign of a storm.  I went about my day as if I hadn't heard the prediction.  The storm never came.  I enjoyed the outdoors for the entire day.  It made me wonder, how many times do I limit my activity because of what might happen?  Sure, there are times when the prediction is correct.  There are also times when it is far from accurate, yet I've already made a choice based on the fear of what might be.  This is an opportunity for me to let go of the fear, go with the flow, and trust my own intuition.  I release the need for outside influences to determine my next move and instead allow outside influences to support me to make the decision that is best for me.  Rain or shine, all will be fine, so long as I let go of my own fears and expectations.  In fact, sometimes the rain can be more enjoyable and exciting than the heat of the sun.  Here's to living fully, in the moment and releasing the chatter that might hold us back.

Take My Advice, I'm Not Using It

I recently found myself faced with several professionals who appeared to be unable to follow their own advice.  Have you ever come across this?  As I sat observing, it dawned on me, what advice am I giving that I am not following?  My advice for others, that has all along been for me, listen.  Take time to listen to the inner voice.  Take time to unplug from the screen time, take time for reflection.  I support my clients to listen to the voice within.  The voice that may seem small and quiet, the voice that grows stronger when given attention.  The voice that becomes a brick up side the head when being ignored. What can you do to support time for yourself, to eliminate the outside chatter so that you can plug into what your inner voice is calling you to attend to?  I can already hear the excuse, "I don't have time!"  The reality is, we all have the same 24 hours in a day.  Maybe you choose to start taking the bus, so that you can have some unplugged, down time.  Maybe you go to bed early, so that you can wake up and allow yourself a few moments.  I hold the vision with you that time presents itself and you feel the deep connection to the voice that is calling out for your attention.  And, even if specific time does not happen, listen to how the voice speaks to you at other times, like when you have advice for someone else, advice that could in fact be, for you.

Beyond Excuses; Creating the Life You Desire

Have you ever caught someone saying that they want something, only to follow with a reason why they cannot receive that which they desire?  "I really want to change my job/life/relationship, but I cannot because of (insert excuse).  Have you ever offered to fix someone's excuse, believing the truth in it, only to realize that the excuse offered was just that, an excuse to get out doing the work required to change it?  Can you think of a time when you were good at making excuses?  What are your greatest and most dominant excuses?  I have a list of them myself.  I catch myself saying, "I am a stay-at-home-mom. I cannot make time for myself.  I don't have the luxury of giving to myself, my business, my needs."  The only truth in that statement is, "I am a stay-at-home-mom."  We all have the same 24 hours in a day.  We each make choices about how we choose to spend the valuable resource of our time and money.  I am in the business of being with individuals as they bring about powerful and lasting change in life.  I get to be with clients as they move through the space of resistance.

What stops us from making big changes?  What keeps me making excuses?  The same things that keep you from making changes;

1. Dissuasion.  I tell myself that life is fine the way that it is, I don't really need to be doing anything differently.  Asking for more is greedy.  There are a number of things I tell myself that lead me away from seeking what it is that I deeply desire.  What do you find yourself saying when you know that a change is calling?
2. Distraction.  I could have a master's degree in distraction.  There are times when I can be in the flow of change and suddenly I'll find myself being attracted to the drama of life.  Other common distractions:  "I'll put myself on the dating market as soon as I lose weight."  "I'll invest in myself as soon as I get the raise that I've been wanting."   What is it that you tell yourself when you are on the way to creating positive change for  yourself?
3.  Fear.  Fear is the last ditch effort I make to self sabotage when moving toward change.  Fear can take over as I listen to the little voice inside screaming at me, "Who do you think you are?  Do you really think this change will amount to anything?  Do you really think you'll be able to pull that off?  Give it up, you can't make this last."  What is your fear yelling at you?  When have you noticed fear keeping you from moving toward the life of your dreams?

The dissuasion, distraction and fear are not the truth of who you are and what life has in store for you.  As you calm the voices of dissuasion, distraction and fear, you will come out of this space stronger, more confident and feeling more connected to your authentic power.

So how do you do it? Be gentle with yourself.  Be observer.  Simply notice and give attention to the voice within.  When you notice the voice, where you are in your process, you allow yourself the gift of creating clarity.  With that clarity and new awareness, you now have the ability to choose.  You can choose your thought and your actions.  What is next?  What will support you to move through it?  Contact a friend, ask for support, JUST DO IT!  You already know the results of NOT doing it.  Allow yourself the gift of receiving the benefits of breaking through the barrier of fear, distraction and dissuasion.


                                       

The Success of Stumbling

My youngest daughter started walking recently.  Watching her progress from standing to taking a step, to taking multiple steps and now walking with greater confidence has reminded me of the amazing ability we have to get back up and keep trying!  I cannot count the number of times I've watched her fall on her face or onto her diaper padded bottom, only to see her put her hands out in front of her and push herself up again to keep practicing her new skill. Growing pains are aptly named.  They are uncomfortable.  You may have noticed that your growth doesn't feel so great at times.  GOOD!  This is exactly what you are meant to be experiencing.  This means that growth is on your horizon.  Keep it up!  Keep moving, breathing, waking up and working through this space of change, as it is leading you to the next level of success!  Feeling scared of that next job opportunity?  Feeling uncertain about your next project?  Feeling uneasy about what will happen next, and how will it all work out?  These can be the questions that come up when we are ready to experience something transformative.  If this space is causing you anxiety, stress, and discomfort, allow yourself to listen to what you are experiencing.  Allow it to support you to what awaits you; new opportunity, new possibility, new growth, new habits, new skills.   May you recognize that those baby steps are a necessary part of the journey to reach the peak of the mountain.  AND, I wouldn't expect my daughter to climb a mountain or run a marathon with her newfound skill of walking.  This is a space to be gentle with yourself.  Practice baby steps.  Allow room for yourself to stumble.  Know that you always have the option to remain at the stage that you are currently experiencing, just as you have the choice to pick up and keep pushing to the next level of success.  The choice is yours.  Will you remain where you are or will you remember the skill you have to keep trying?

Visionaries Welcome!

Steve Jobs wore many titles; visionary, CEO of Apple, businessman, and successful entrepreneur to name a few.  He did not stop at his first success.   We did not watch him produce his first computer only to walk away with a fortune.  Long after his first successful computer, continued to dream, to design and to believe in himself and his ability to continue pushing himself to expand.  As a life coach, this is what I support my clients to do; expand, believe in themselves and in the ability to dream bigger.  Life doesn't have to be a struggle to receive the benefits of coaching.   I believe in you, in your talents, in your ability to achieve your grandest goals.  What are you ready to build upon?  What successes are you ready to expand to the next level?  What best supports you to continue on your journey of expansion?

"Am I attractive?"

I recently saw an article about teen girls posting videos of themselves on YouTube inquiring, "Am I Attractive?"  If you are anything like me you are feeling saddened at their desperate quest for approval.  I may not be going to the same extreme for approval, and yet there are times when I too find myself being defined by what you, they, he/she thinks about me.  If we are defined by what others think of us, then who do we become?  When do we know who's critique to give attention to? When do we know the search for critiquing is complete?  We cannot control what others are going to say or think about us.  What we can control is who we are choosing to show up as.  What we can control are our thoughts about who we are.  We can choose what to do with the feedback that we receive.  Feedback can be appreciated and helpful, yet it does not have much meaning if we do not have a solid understanding of who we are.  Who you are, is amazing!  Who you are, is prosperous!  Who you are, is love.  What more would you add to your list of who you are?

Heroes Aren't Born, They're Cornered!

I wish I could report to you that every time I made up my mind to create change in my life, I did it with ease, grace and great speed.  Although there have been times when I've experienced some element of ease, grace and unexpected speed here and there, it is in no way the norm for me.  In fact, I tend to learn that a move might be important for me after spending time banging my head on the solid wall standing in front of me.   I did not love the last job I left.  It was a job where I was being physically abused, a place where I quite literally had feces being thrown at me.  I had a behavior plan in place which involved asking a student to, "Hit me harder, hit me again."  Sound crazy?  It was.  I spend many evenings in tears, crying to my husband about how much I hated the job, how I wasn't serving myself or my students.  It took that level of physical and emotional discomfort for me to take the steps toward a new job, a new opportunity, a new reality.  That job was my brick wall.  I stayed with it, feeling as though I were stuck.  I bought into limiting beliefs about how I had to maintain the salary that I was making.  I believed that if I left I wouldn't find another job.  I told myself that I had to stay until it got better.  I have news for you, it wasn't getting better.  I spent nearly a year of being in this stuck space before I allowed myself to explore the idea that I could have something different.  Once I aligned with that possibility, I started to see creative ways out of the situation of feeling stuck.  I opened up to a greater reality than what I was experiencing.  With the awareness that I couldn't go on with this existence, I realized that the next step was up to me.   It was perhaps the hardest step of all; stepping into faith.  What transpired from there seemed surreal.   I left my job, jumped into living with greater purpose and have never had a moment of regret for leaving that place of employment.
Are you finding yourself feeling stuck?  Are you feeling as though you're facing a brick wall?  Know that you are not alone.  "Heroes aren't born, they're cornered!"  Thanks, Mickey Rooney, this quote resonates with me.
If you find yourself in an uncomfortable corner, know that it is your opportunity to look up to see the next level that is within your grasp.  Are you ready to reach for it?  Will you allow yourself to believe that you can have something different than what you are experiencing?  Are you ready to release the stress of this current situation?

Mental Weight Lifting

Someone asked me today, "Star, how are you?"  As I answered with my usual, "Oh, things are good...." I found myself stuffing down how I was really feeling, which is an overall heaviness.  Later she asked, "You don't seem like yourself, last time I saw you, you had an amazing positive energy about you.  What is going on?"  I felt as if I had been caught stealing.  Red faced and heart racing, I could feel the tension inside of me.  And then I blurted out, "There has been a lot going on with my family.  My brother.... and my mother has been a hand full too..."  This conversation led to a lot of heavy issues, you know, the kind that might feel taboo to talk about.  I left that interaction feeling the weight of all of them.  I came home, sat with the question, "What was that?  What did you just open up?"  This is what came back at me, "Honey, you are feeling the weight and heaviness of those around you, because you haven't been dedicated to doing your own work, the work that keeps you centered, the work that keeps you grounded, the work that allows you to stay in that space of true understanding, knowing that these heavy issues are not yours to absorb.  These issues are ALWAYS there.  Some days they are a bit more intense than others, yet they are always there.  Today feels heavy, because you have allowed your strength to slip."  Yes, busted!  I have been giving my attention to the issues that feel heavy, leaving me feeling the weight of them.  It is in this moment that I declare that I will get back on that bandwagon of doing my work by journaling, exercising my mind, challenging myself in healthy ways, and when needed, stepping away from the drama that might come from the situations that are around me.  So, what does it look like to step away from the drama?  It means that I am doing the following:

1. Stop feeding it!
I will not chat about it.  This is sometimes extremely difficult, as these stories are JUICY!  I know that talking (gossiping) about them doesn't serve me, it doesn't serve the listener, and it doesn't serve the party playing the leading role.

2. Focusing on the present moment.  When I bring myself away from the drama of the past or what I fear to be the future, I am able to enjoy the ease of my breath, the gratitude for colors in nature, the weather, everything and anything surrounding me!

3. Taking myself off of the computer/social media, where gossip and stories are spread, where it is easy for me to continue validating the story, as I know it.

4. Go within, allowing myself time to journal, meditate, and pray, so that I can return to what I know to be true, that this drama is not mine and it serves no one to give attention to it.

5. Scheduled time with Friends.

6. Breath.
I focus on my breathing and on the awareness that my body is bringing me to. When I feel the tightness in my chest, the anxiety, the heaviness, I spot it, acknowledge it and give it permission to be released.

7. Exercise

8. LAUGH!
Laugher is a form of release.  It helps "relieve pain, brings greater happiness and can even increase immunity" The Stress Management and Health Benefits of Laughter.

9. PLAY
Nothing quite brings me out of my head and into the moment like giggling children! Don't have children around?  Force yourself to doodle, skip, or simply jump in place.


What do you do when you find yourself ruminating about an issue that is out of your control?  How do you bring yourself to a healthier place?

THANK YOU to my amazing friends, who continue to ask the difficult questions, who continue to support me to grow and who allow me to be in whatever space they may find me in.

Kicking the Fear Habit

When was the last time you been faced with a situation where you felt yourself being challenged to keep moving through to the next step? As I sat down to the computer this morning, I had the intention of writing a press release. Instead, I’m noticing my desire to do anything apart from writing a press release. The house needs to be straightened, I should reach out to that friend in need, e-mails need to be tended to, invoices need to be updated, I have a sudden urge to EAT (yes, I just emptied the remainder of the ice cream in my freezer), the self-sabotaging list grows longer by the minute. I notice that the closer I get to writing this press release that I keep saying that I want to write, the more I feel the desire to give my attention to something else. Internally, I feel my heart racing, my anxiety levels increasing and my body is experiencing an overal tightening. The fear is nearly overwhelming. So, now what? I access my tools:
1. Deepen awareness I get clear about what is happening inside. In this instance, I know that I don’t really want to write a press release. I’m telling myself that I should or that I have to.

2. Identify with clarity With the awareness that I don’t really want to be writing a press release, I move to a place of identifying what it is that I do want, which is to bring my skills and talents as a coach to a broader audience. I’ve told myself that writing a press release and having a published article is that next step. Letting go of that idea that a press release has to be that next step and instead welcoming new ideas.

3. Release judgement The next step for me is to let go of the thoughts of judgement that hold me back from moving forward. Judgement is another excuse to stay put.

4. Reframe thoughts Somewhere along the way I told myself that I had to do this on my own, that it was going to be “hard”. I let go of the idea that it will be hard. I release the idea that I have to do this perfectly or that I have to do it all on my own. When I notice these limiting and sabotaging thoughts, I have the ability to reframe them.

5. Be Gentle with Self while in the processing stage As I reach for the ice cream, I refrain from negative self chatter, which only serves to further distract me from the task before me. I gift myself with the ability to be gentle with myself in the process, knowing that eventually, I’ll crawl my way to the next step, knowing that even with the ice cream polished off, the dishes done and the kitchen shelves rearranged, it is NEVER too late to begin again. The task I have at hand will be there when I am ready to pick it up.

6. Ask for & receive support I release the idea that this has to be all me. I welcome the energy of a fresh outlook, the support of an objective ear, and the wisdom of someone who has greater skills in the area that I feel I have.

7. Move through it and DO IT!

Every task has to start somewhere. I make a list of ways I can start NOW, with what I have, with where I am. I start with the smallest things I can do and I do this without limitation. I let go of the idea that I have to have all of the pieces in place and I do what I can with what I have, trusting that it will eventually come together. Waiting for ALL of the pieces to be in place is another way that I allow myself to stall the process and remain stuck. I let go of being stuck and I move through it. What tools do you have on your list? How do you support yourself to advance to the next level? Like what you're reading? Come "Like" Stellar Evolution Coaching on Facebook. Schedule your very own complimentary consultation with Star Staubach.

10 Tips Toward a Positive Attitude

This quote came across my desk today, "Remember, it isn't your position in life; its your disposition that determines your happiness." I find myself often being challenged about my positive disposition. Some even think that I am in denial about the less than fortunate issues that come across my path. What I've learned along my journey is that having a positive disposition does not mean that every day is filled with blissful JOY. Some days are darker than others. Some days are lighter than others. No matter what is happening around me, I am at choice. Choosing to live in joy, doesn't mean denying the reality of hurt, fear, sadness, etc. It is instead, choosing to acknowledge the reality that even in the midst of a storm, there can still be opportunity to be received. When in the middle of a hurricane, the most beautiful calm emerges. What if in the middle of the next storm, you turned to the calm center within and allowed yourself to ask the question, "What is here for me in this moment to propel me to new growth?" Flowers emerge from manure. We all know that light follows darkness. We know that we cannot put darkness into a flame of light, but we CAN put our flame of light into darkness, thus transforming the dark space into one of light. Cognitively, we get it. Putting it into practice is another story. Here are 10 tips to increase your positive disposition:

1. Notice your body in the moment. Check in. Take inventory of what is going on. Is your heart racing? Are you experiencing tightness in your chest? Simply be aware of how your body is experiencing the moment.
2. Acknowledge your feelings. "This really stinks." Yes, there are times when whatever you are experiencing is truly unpleasant. No one will tell you that choosing a positive disposition means that you get to avoid all uncomfortable situations. So when they arise, acknowledge them for what they are, uncomfortable growing pains.
3. Take a moment to practice deep breathing. Slow down your breathing and allow your body to fill with the benefits of an increase of oxygen.
4. Laugh. If you can, and where appropriate, laugh. For no reason, simply make yourself laugh. Laughter is a way to release stress, anxiety while taking in good amounts of oxygen. Crying has a similar effect, so if crying seems more appropriate than laughter, by all means, do what works for you in the moment.
5. Ask yourself,"What am I trying to control about this situation?" I often find myself experiencing stress/anxiety when a situation isn't going my way. There are times when it might be something simple, like the pair of shoes my 2-year-old chooses to wear, or the traffic around me and there are times when I'd like to control the health of a loved one, the hospital care they receive, and even the death of a loved one. Notice what happens when we try to control something that is essentially out of our control. When I think the traffic "should" be something other than what it is, the result is, I experience more stress and most likely those in the car with me experience it too. Not only do I experience more stress, but I also focus my attention on the problem, hindering my ability to see other ways to be in the situation.
6. Notice your ability to choose. When I allow myself to be at choice about how I see the situation, I open up to new creative ways to be, rather than the habitual feeling of being stuck with the situation. The other night I was up late/early with a teething baby. I fought it for over an hour, allowing the resentment and anger grow inside of me. After experiencing the effects of this for an entire hour, I decided to embrace it, "What can I be choosing differently?" I wrapped her in a blanket and we stepped outside. We shared a few tearless moments as we looked at the moon and the stars. When I got my head out of the victim of "poor me, this really sucks", I was able to open up to the idea that there were other ways I could experience it. The result was a beautiful, refreshing and sweet moment shared under the full moon.
7. Enlist a friend's help. If all else fails, enlist the support of a friend or loved one. Ask them to support you to see other angles of the situation.
8. Make a list of what you LOVE about the situation. Allow yourself to go to a space of gratitude. Again, this does NOT mean that you have to like what is happening, but instead that you acknowledge that there IS something in it that you are gaining. After my dear cousin passed with Leukemia at the age of 5, none of us could have imagined the benefits of the situation. Her older sister, nearly 14 years later has gone on to study nursing, with the intention of being a pediatric nurse of oncology. One of the nurses who cared for my cousin during her stay at the hospital, went on to marry an uncle. Her situation brought inspiration, connection and an expansion of love.
9. Think of a time when something seemed bad, but turned out GREATER than you could have imagined Allow past experience to support you to be reminded that this too shall pass. There is a possibility that this situation could result in a greater outcome than what you are currently experiencing.
10. Add your own flare. My favorite thing to do is a mini tantrum. I have been known to allow my arms to flail, legs to kick and feel to stomp, all while scrunching my face into the tightest scowl I can muster. What flare will you add to your moment?

*Note this post is not recommended to "treat" any chronic mental health issues.

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Witnessing the Moment

At the start of the year, I spend time welcoming a new way of being into my existence. A few years ago, the word that came to me to be more present with was, “Listener”. The year after that was “Nurturer”. Each year I set the intention to embody more of my truest essence. I do this, with the objective of being more fully present with my most authentic vision.
This New Year’s Day I sat in contemplation wondering what word would really hit home for me. I let a few words slip past me... “presence”, “attentive”, “release”. As I’m trying to let myself go with the process and let go of the strong desire to force the word, I observe my nearly 7 month old daughter crawling along the floor. As I watch her, she crawls toward another baby. The two of them share a tender moment of giggles, squeals and gentle touches. Their shared moment brought tears to my eyes. They shared smiles, innocent curiosity and unconditional acceptance of one another. Not only did they accept one another, they witnessed one another. Witness. The word struck me and made my heart leap. This year, I welcome the opportunity to fully embrace being “Witness”. When I am Witness, I allow myself to be out of my head and more fully present in the moment. Out of my head means I get to let go of making meaning of the situation and instead I see it as it is. As Witness, I let go of my judgments and gift myself with the presence of the moment and all that it comes with; joy, lessons, beauty, opportunity to fully connect. As I sat observing these two precious babies, I knew that Witness was mine to embody this year. When I think about the observers in my life, I am reminded that when others are around to observe me, I tend to be a more patient, more available and more conscious about my actions. I’ve often wondered what motivates this behavior. Was it ego, “I want to look good in front of so-an-so”. Was it to feel superior? “I want to do it better than so-and-so.” As I sit with being more of a witness/observer to my own surroundings and actions, I realize that my desire to be a better person in the company of others is just that, having an observer to be accountable to. Each of us know what is best for our own lives. Today thousands of New Year’s Resolutions will be declared. Some will even involve follow through. Others will not. Most that fail will fail not because the individual wasn’t personally invested or passionate about the resolution, but because there was little/no accountability. As I allow myself to show up in my life and yours as observer, I support accountability. I encourage letting go of the idea that I need to take the situation/words/experience personally. As observer, I witness it, allow it, and feel more fully connected to the opportunity that resides in the moment. I find myself often asking my clients to simply observe their lives. “You’ve stated this goal. Let go of the desire to judge yourself if it does/doesn’t get accomplished and instead, observe how/why/why not of what transpires. Allow that observation to serve you to make the next move, or not.

When you allow yourself to sit in the silence, what word is calling for your attention?
What are you ready to incorporate more of into your life? How will you hold yourself accountable to what you say you are ready for this year?

To being Witness to the journey!

Star Staubach CPC