Who Are You Showing Up As?

I recently found myself in a situation where it was pointed out to me that I was not acting like myself. My husband and I were playing a game with friends. When a bold move by a friend left me nearly knocked out of the game I started to feel rather angry, defensive and my behavior showed it. My husband gently reminded me, "honey, it is only a game." Even with the reminder, I found it difficult to calm myself down. I tried to talk myself down, "Star, what is going on with you? What is this all about?" I was feeling like a victim - "They are doing this TO me!" How does being victim serve me? It makes me right and them wrong. WOW, was it all about ego and wanting to be right about how the game "should" be played. I embarrassed to say that it took me much longer than I would have liked to calm myself down from this state. Even after the laughing and fun were breathed back into the game, I continued to internalize my behavior. This time it wasn't about others, it was about me and how I reacted. The bottom line; I felt terrible not feeling connected to who I know myself to be, a fun loving, playful, uncontainable free spirit. I was so far removed from that part of myself that it took awhile to get back to and even then, I continued to play the scenario over in my head, well into bedtime. Where does victim fit in being a fun loving, playful, uncontainable free spirit? It doesn't.

What wants to be fed?

Where are you noticing clutter or mess showing up in your life? As I clean out my cupboard, I am met with the question, "What stopped me from doing this when I noticed the bag of opened sunflower seeds spilled all over?" Several things come to mind; the sunflower seeds were not hurting anything, they weren't spoiling, attracting bugs or creating MORE mess. The bottom line - it wasn't of immediate importance for me to clean them up. They did however, create a little anxiety each time i saw them, thinking, "I should clean that mess up." It feels good to have that mess taken care of. And the birds got to eat the spilled sunflower seeds! What is being unattended to in your life? What will be fed in you when you give it the attention it is calling for?

Whose Path is it Anyway?

There are times when I have friends, family and clients coming to me saying, "Star, tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix this situation I'm in." One client shared this testimonial after experiencing this within a coaching relationship; “It is often that I wished Star would just tell me what to do or guide me on how to conduct myself. No matter how hard I try, she always brings it back to me and what it is I am truly seeking.” I recognize that I may have ideas to share and I welcome brainstorming to uncover opportunities that might be dwelling in a blind spot. What I am aware of is that it is always much more powerful for me to arrive at my own answers than it is for me to adopt someone else's. In fact, there have been times when adhering to someone else's advice left me further from my true desires and authentic self. I hold the belief that we each have the answers we seek. Through a process of powerful questions, creating awareness around blind spots and meaningful reflection, you become more connected to the path and the answers that most serve your vision. Whose path are you on? Where are you headed?

Laughing Through the Crap

I woke this morning with a heavy cloud hanging over me. My thoughts were consumed by everything that was seemingly going "wrong" in my day and in my life. Recognizing that it was important for me to move from this space, I decided to make that happen. My movement involved going for a walk with my daughter. As we were walking, my thoughts brightened a bit. With the darkness letting a little light in, I noticed I was still feeling stuck with the cloud hanging over me. Only now it was quite literal. The sky was getting dark as the storm predicted for our area was closing in all around us. I was feeling horrible, physically and emotionally. I was walking with my 2 month old daughter attached to me snuggled in her wrap. As we were walking she had a blow out bowel movement. It leaked out of her diaper, onto her wrap, onto her clothes, on my clothes, everywhere.
"Great! Now I'm not only feeling like crap, I'm covered in it too!" And that is when it hit me. Of course I was covered in and surrounded in crap. What else could I expect? All morning I had been giving my attention to negative, crappy energy! The thought that my negative energy and attention to it may have contributed to creating the mess of the situation, made me laugh out loud as I was clearing away the mess from my daughter and all over me.
Have you ever had one of those days. It starts off sour and it continues to intensify and get seemingly WORSE? How could your energy and way of being in your day be contributing to your mess? What would it take for you to make a shift? How much crap will you be smothered by before you shift your energy toward the positive and what you WANT to create? Take notice of where your energy is. With that awareness, where is that energy taking your attention?. What are you giving your attention to? What is it producing in your life? If your thoughts become your reality, what are you creating for yourself today? Gotta run, I have more poop to clean up from my daughter's bottom again, this time it is contained and not all over! Thanks Sweet Girl for being such a wonderful teacher to your momma!

Weeding Through Fears

As  I was weeding the garden last week, I reached down to grab a handful of dead leaves when I realized that my hand was only inches away from a peacefully coiled up snake.  I jumped.  The snake remained very calm.  The snake stuck around long enough for me to point him out to a friend, "Look what I almost reached down to grab".  As I tell this story, I hear many reactions.  One reaction in particular caught my attention.  A friend said, "You know, I've been telling my daughter all about how bugs won't hurt her saying 'honey, you are much bigger than them, they won't bother you.  They are more afraid of you than you are of them.'  The funny part is, maybe I should listen to my own advice when it comes to snakes."
I couldn't help and think about how this relates to the fears I have in my own life.  Are my fears as frightening as I've been telling myself they are?  Are they waiting for me to attend to them and recognize that they are NOT as scary as I thought?
One such fear of mine is writing a blog, sharing my thoughts for all to see and for all to form an opinion about.  The more I reflect on it, the more I realize that the fear is holding me back from making it happen.  The truth is, I enjoy sharing my thoughts.  I appreciate the conversation and discussion from sharing and interacting with others.  It allows me to honor my value of evolving growth.  When I'm honest with myself, I recognize that I do not have much to lose. Instead, I have much to gain!  I will no longer let the fear of writing a blog stop me from making it happen!  I'm ready to share my thoughts.  I welcome your feedback.  I invite you to share  your opinions!  I welcome you to create dialogue in this safe space.  I release my fear and trust that it isn't going to jump up and bite me.  What fear are you ready to give attention to?  How would attending to it propel you toward honoring your values?  What value would you be honoring by reclaiming your power and quieting your fear?