5 Steps to Make Decisions From the Heart

How often do you feel yourself being caught up in your head by the swirling thought of making the RIGHT decision?  Recently, I have had a LOT of mind chatter, the kind that won't stop.  The voice that dominates is not a friendly one, it is a strong judging voice, suggesting that there is only ONE answer, and that I must find that one RIGHT solution and act on it.  The flaw in this kind of thinking is that it creates stress and panic, and shuts down creativity.  Thinking that there is only one solution leaves you hyper-focused in search of that ONE answer.  Instead of helping you, this approach leaves you FARTHER from the solution.  Why is it important to get out of your head and into your heart? Studies indicate that the heart may know MORE than our head.  Those same studies indicate that when shown emotionally stimulating objects, the heart is responding BEFORE the brain.  Why is this so important to understand?  If the heart is responding before the brain, it is an indicator that the heart is feeding the brain the messages, not the other way around, as we once thought.  When you stop to think about it, you know this same sensation in yourself. Your heart/gut responds in intuitive ways to situations that evoke emotions in you. Often, we dismiss this intuitive reaction and instead listen to the "common sense" in our head (left brain). Here are steps you can take to move from the swirling chatter in the head to the creative solution that resides in your heart:

1. Give yourself a break from NEEDING to find the solution RIGHT NOW! Unless you are in an emergency situation (e.g., a tiger is chasing you), you can afford to step away from the situation and the "need" to find the answer RIGHT now. Changing your focus allows you the opportunity to entertain creative solutions that you were unable to think of in panic mode.   You've seen this phenomenon active when you're searching for your lost keys, and only after you let go of searching do you look down and see them sitting in front of you, or have a thought of a place you haven't checked, and voilà, there they are!

2. Stop. Breath. Meditate. Pray. Read.  Allowing yourself to stop and release the situation to a higher power, consciousness, or source outside of yourself, creates a space for you to welcome solutions that come from outside of you.  When you recognize that you do not have to be THE ONE who comes up with ALL of the answers, you are able to receive and hear solutions that were not otherwise there.

3. Run. Exercise. Move your body! Movement will not only activate and open OLD neural pathways, it has the ability to GROW NEW ONES!  You read that right, increasing your heart rate and oxygenated blood to your brain supports you to create new neural pathways.  How does this support you?  As you stimulate your brain, you open yourself up to creative solutions and to answers that may be inside of you but are trapped and inhibited by old habits and ways of being. Oxygen circulating through your body increases your capacity to retain and retrieve information.  It also supports you to unleash creative solutions that have previously been locked.

4. Brain Dump - List at least 25 ways to solve the problem.  At the moment you may only have 3-5 ways to answer the issue.  Push yourself to think creatively, even if it is a solution that you'd NEVER use. For example, you could host a mud wrestling contest in your backyard to raise extra funds.  This list will surprise you.  Once you move beyond the solutions that come to mind quickly, you allow yourself to welcome solutions that come from beyond the mind and instead from the heart. The solutions in your mind are ones that often come easily.  The ones from the heart take more practice and this exercise will support you to move from your head to your heart.

5. Create your BLISS List, the things in your life that leave you feeling BLISSFUL and appreciative.  Studies indicate that gratitude is synonymous with feeling JOY.  When you're feeling mired down by the idea that you need to find a solution to a challenging problem, it makes sense that you would feel disconnected from your joy.  Spending time with your BLISS LIST will alter your state of joy.  Focusing on your joy will activate your heart space and unleash creative solutions.

Listening and making decisions from your heart takes practice.  Like any new habit that you adopt, be gentle with yourself.  Notice the gentle nudges, intuitive instincts, and gut reactions.  Give yourself permission to act on them and as you do, you build your intuitive muscle.  The stronger it gets and the more you use it, the more trust you'll develop for it.  Trusting your heart-guided instincts will support you to live with greater ease.

If you'd like other activities that will connect you with your intuition, contact Star Staubach of Stellar Evolution Coaching.  Star supports clients to ignite their inner radiance and wake up to a life they love living!  Visit Stellar Evolution Coaching to sign up to receive your free mp3 download of 10 tips to raise your Inner and Outer Radiance!

5 Tips to Move Through Feeling Heavy-Hearted

If you are anything like me, you've experienced a life challenge (death of a loved one, break up of a long term relationship, diagnosis of a life-altering illness) where, no matter the planning, no matter the attempts at holding a positive attitude, you still feel weighed down by the heaviness of the situation. You move between wanting to crawl into bed and pulling the covers up over your head to wanting to wake up with life returning to "normal", as if your situation didn't exist.  You want to remove yourself from it, making every attempt to distract yourself from feeling the full effect of the pain, hurt, anger, sadness, or other strong emotion that might be leaving you feeling stuck.  The reality is that no matter what you do to remove yourself from it, you still feel mired down by the details of the situation.

The Five Things you need MOST to move through this situation are:

1. Your feelings are there to SERVE YOU.  Let them.

Give yourself permission to feel every emotion that you are experiencing.  Avoiding what you are experiencing will only intensify it later.  Think of your feelings as indicators, such as the indicator on your gas tank, reminding you of when your gas tank needs to be filled up.  When this happens, you take the time to tend to what is needed.  You do not judge it or over-think it (too much), you just do what is needed and move on.  What if you were to do the same with your feelings?  They are here to serve as indicators, gently reminding you of the need to fill up with compassion for and acceptance of yourself, as well as the gift of being present to and for yourself.

2. Freedom to move about your day doing what feels right in the moment.
Take a nap if you need to, cry, exercise, clean, etc. Whatever you need in the moment, you give yourself permission to experience it. This might even mean taking a day off of work so that you can have the freedom to do what feels right for you in the moment.

3. Call-in support.
 It is important to have someone who can listen to you as you express what you are fully feeling.  This person not only listens, but they validate for you the challenge of the situation.  As much as you'd like to see it in a positive light, sometimes, the situation is HEAVY, sometimes it is OK to take a day and be with the weight of it,  and to allow the breakdown.

4. Permission to let go of the ideal image of what it "should" be like.
 In this situation it might be tempting to judge yourself that you should be somewhere other than where you are.  You "should" be experiencing different emotions than you are, you "should" be supporting others, conducting daily chores, etc.  There is NO perfect situation.  No perfect words to share, no perfect emotions to experience, no perfect tasks to move you through.  The perfection is in the imperfection of the moment.  It will feel messy, painful, and chaotic.  If it didn't, you would not be experiencing a true life challenge.

5. Avoid unhealthy ways of numbing the pain.
It can be tempting to turn to alcohol or other substances to numb the pain during this challenging time.  This is not only dangerous, it is counter-productive.  Altering your state with distractions and/or substances means you're pushing away the emotion, not eliminating it.   The only way to eliminate it is to feel it. Numbing your feelings with substances and/or other unhealthy distractions means the emotions will intensify until you cope with them in a real way.

Know that this moment will not last and before you know it, you will emerge with greater strength and a new appreciation of what you have gained from the experience.  Between now and then, hang on to the joy that surrounds you and resides within you, memories of days that are lighter.  

The #1 Answer to Every Question!

Have you ever started something or gone in a particular direction, without a clear image of what the journey or final destination would look like? When we are on a trip, we tend to allow space for new discovery.  Something changes within us when asked to allow for that same sense of curiosity and appreciating the changing scenery when it comes to our every day life. 

It was one year ago that I started Watch Me Grow Radio, without a clear vision of what it would turn into.  It was birthed out of a space of crisis.  I was feeling emotionally unsettled and found myself blaming my husband, children, life circumstances, family, and other external relationships.  When given the opportunity for reflection, I realized that the pain I was experiencing was from NOT taking my own advice.  I support clients to create powerful and lasting transformation in their lives, yet I wasn't creating that for myself.  I was going through the motions, expecting life to change FOR me.  I wanted the pieces of my life puzzle to miraculously fall into place. It wasn't happening.  Life was becoming more and more painful.  I was waking up angry, resentful, and riddled with blame and shame.  I thought that I "should" know how to shift from this place.  While all of this was happening, I had several professionals who came across my path who were not walking their talk - - the morbidly obese dietician who could not comfortably sit in his chair and the relationship coach who had been divorced 8 years and is currently living as a single mother.  It didn't add up.  And then, the thought occurred to me, "My pain is from not listening to my own wisdom, just as those professionals are experiencing the pain of not listening to theirs."

It was through this breakdown that I decided that I wanted to tap into the brilliance of working with a coach. I decided to interview my greatest mentors and allow them to coach me LIVE on air.  It was through my breakdown moment that Watch Me Grow Radio was born.  Had you told me then that within the year the show would have 130,000 listens and international guests who are experts in their fields, I would have scoffed at you and thought you were CRAZY! And here we are today, with that as a reality recognizing the truth, something AMAZING is waiting for you! What it requires is for you to STOP thinking so hard about the answer and instead allow it to come easily, naturally, and without great force or effort.  When it all started, it DID come with ease.  It began with the intention of allowing my own growth, recognizing that I was not living as fully as I wanted to be.  In that space of discomfort, I opened up to receiving answers from outside of myself.  I allowed myself to surrender to the idea that I had to know ALL, or ANY of the answers to my burning pain.  As a result, I have grown tremendously over the past year.  I feel more fully ALIVE!  I feel more connected in my relationships with my family, myself, my clients/business, my community, and with my body.  This week on air, I will share the BEST of Watch Me Grow Radio.  I share tips I received from amazing guests such as Dr. Christine Carter who studies happiness at UC Berkley's Greater Good Institute and Dr. Bruce Lipton, who was my guest last week.  I share true stories of my own transformation!

What is the #1 answer to ALL of your questions?  The answer is -- listen to your OWN advice.  It is that simple. Not sure what your advice would be?  Ask yourself this: What support would I give my best friend if she were coming to me with this same question?  Sit with it.  Notice what comes up. Sometimes it requires the presence and wisdom of others to be with you and other times it simply requires that you tune in and hear the message that you've been avoiding from yourself.