This quote came across my desk today, "Remember, it isn't your position in life; its your disposition that determines your happiness." I find myself often being challenged about my positive disposition. Some even think that I am in denial about the less than fortunate issues that come across my path. What I've learned along my journey is that having a positive disposition does not mean that every day is filled with blissful JOY. Some days are darker than others. Some days are lighter than others. No matter what is happening around me, I am at choice. Choosing to live in joy, doesn't mean denying the reality of hurt, fear, sadness, etc. It is instead, choosing to acknowledge the reality that even in the midst of a storm, there can still be opportunity to be received. When in the middle of a hurricane, the most beautiful calm emerges. What if in the middle of the next storm, you turned to the calm center within and allowed yourself to ask the question, "What is here for me in this moment to propel me to new growth?" Flowers emerge from manure. We all know that light follows darkness. We know that we cannot put darkness into a flame of light, but we CAN put our flame of light into darkness, thus transforming the dark space into one of light. Cognitively, we get it. Putting it into practice is another story. Here are 10 tips to increase your positive disposition:
1. Notice your body in the moment. Check in. Take inventory of what is going on. Is your heart racing? Are you experiencing tightness in your chest? Simply be aware of how your body is experiencing the moment.
2. Acknowledge your feelings. "This really stinks." Yes, there are times when whatever you are experiencing is truly unpleasant. No one will tell you that choosing a positive disposition means that you get to avoid all uncomfortable situations. So when they arise, acknowledge them for what they are, uncomfortable growing pains.
3. Take a moment to practice deep breathing. Slow down your breathing and allow your body to fill with the benefits of an increase of oxygen.
4. Laugh. If you can, and where appropriate, laugh. For no reason, simply make yourself laugh. Laughter is a way to release stress, anxiety while taking in good amounts of oxygen. Crying has a similar effect, so if crying seems more appropriate than laughter, by all means, do what works for you in the moment.
5. Ask yourself,"What am I trying to control about this situation?" I often find myself experiencing stress/anxiety when a situation isn't going my way. There are times when it might be something simple, like the pair of shoes my 2-year-old chooses to wear, or the traffic around me and there are times when I'd like to control the health of a loved one, the hospital care they receive, and even the death of a loved one. Notice what happens when we try to control something that is essentially out of our control. When I think the traffic "should" be something other than what it is, the result is, I experience more stress and most likely those in the car with me experience it too. Not only do I experience more stress, but I also focus my attention on the problem, hindering my ability to see other ways to be in the situation.
6. Notice your ability to choose. When I allow myself to be at choice about how I see the situation, I open up to new creative ways to be, rather than the habitual feeling of being stuck with the situation. The other night I was up late/early with a teething baby. I fought it for over an hour, allowing the resentment and anger grow inside of me. After experiencing the effects of this for an entire hour, I decided to embrace it, "What can I be choosing differently?" I wrapped her in a blanket and we stepped outside. We shared a few tearless moments as we looked at the moon and the stars. When I got my head out of the victim of "poor me, this really sucks", I was able to open up to the idea that there were other ways I could experience it. The result was a beautiful, refreshing and sweet moment shared under the full moon.
7. Enlist a friend's help. If all else fails, enlist the support of a friend or loved one. Ask them to support you to see other angles of the situation.
8. Make a list of what you LOVE about the situation. Allow yourself to go to a space of gratitude. Again, this does NOT mean that you have to like what is happening, but instead that you acknowledge that there IS something in it that you are gaining. After my dear cousin passed with Leukemia at the age of 5, none of us could have imagined the benefits of the situation. Her older sister, nearly 14 years later has gone on to study nursing, with the intention of being a pediatric nurse of oncology. One of the nurses who cared for my cousin during her stay at the hospital, went on to marry an uncle. Her situation brought inspiration, connection and an expansion of love.
9. Think of a time when something seemed bad, but turned out GREATER than you could have imagined Allow past experience to support you to be reminded that this too shall pass. There is a possibility that this situation could result in a greater outcome than what you are currently experiencing.
10. Add your own flare. My favorite thing to do is a mini tantrum. I have been known to allow my arms to flail, legs to kick and feel to stomp, all while scrunching my face into the tightest scowl I can muster. What flare will you add to your moment?
*Note this post is not recommended to "treat" any chronic mental health issues.
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